After being impregnated with 2 consecutive hashes in as many days, I am now suffering from severe morning sickness, probably due to the Adnams Broadside beer. I did think about checking into my local hospital, but then thought "Nah, I'll just get to the office and start writing the trash."
We all gathered together outside the Stag for Natasha's first hash. Everyone stopped talking in a remarkably short time, as Natasha started on the usual Pre Hash Foreplay. She reinforced this by writing the letters PHF on the ground. But no, I got the meaning all wrong. P stood for Petrol, because we were going to be crossing a road that might be a catch-all for enthusiastic hashers who forget to turn right (more about this later). H stood for Heads, since there was going to be a low branch to duck under (more about this later). F stood for flood , which would need to be negotiated in order to complete the 6.1 miles that would be in store for the longs (more about this later).
The call to check it out was given, and away we went with the full knowledge that any hash from Flackwell Heath means we will be going down a long long way, before the inevitable climb back up on the way back. Sure enough we turned left off the road and headed down a long stretch across fields before re-grouping at the Crooked Billet. Soon we were off uphill this time into Warren wood, where we reached the long/short split. The longs were then directed to go straight on and the shorts went left.
At this point it is worth mentioning that at the Hashathlon, the previous day, I happened to say to Barney that I would need to go long because I was doing the write-up. At which point, he said "You don't have go long to do the write-up, I ALWAYS go short".
At the next check, there was another re-group and who should be with us on the longs, with torch firmly focussed on a map of the area – none other than Barney himself, who thought he was with the shorts! After a very brief discussion, Barney decided he had better stay with the longs, if he wanted to stand a chance of getting back to the pub before midnight.
Off we went through more woods, when we came to the "H" on the ground, denoting low branch, at which point it was noted that this was in fact completely unnecessary for 99% of the hashers. Only Simon needed to take heed. The rest of us just breezed through.
Eventually we get to Wilton Farm, and start heading towards the river. In Little Marlow, Jane decides to make a phone call in a traditional red telephone box, but before she had a chance to pick the phone up, Phil squeezed in and immediately tried to coerce as many people as he could into the booth. I think the number reached about 4 or 5, which is not bad, but seemed to run out of steam, at least for those waiting outside.
At this point, the "F" for flood was encountered, and although we were all keen to do anything it takes to complete a hash, swimming part of the trail was probably a bridge too far! And so we went down the main road towards Bourne End, before turning left and starting the long haul back up to Flackwell Heath.
When we got to the top, we turned left down a little path and eventually came across the "P" for petrol. This was the signal to do an immediate right turn, keeping on the path, thus avoiding the drop straight onto the main road. As we ran along the verge, there were no cars in sight, but coming towards us on the tarmac was a very strange vehicle. It had 4 2" wheels, but no steering wheel, because whoever was driving it was veering all over the place. Good job we heeded the petrol sign.
Back at the pub, Rob received a T-Shirt for 150 runs, and Roger, who suddenly elevated himself from GM to King by adorning himself with a crown, announced that there was going to be a Hash Name Giving ceremony, and he would be anointing Sooper Cooper with his name. Sooper knelt down on a special piece of carpet and was duly anointed with the help of a broken paddle from the Hashathlon, masquerading as a sword. The down down song words were handed out, and we all joined in. When was the last time Wycombe did a down down?
Many thanks Natasha for a fantastic dry run, and copious nachos and chips.