Hash 1433

I was very very close to not going at all, I had a number of concerns, could I get there, would I slip and injure myself, would I die of exposure, could I get home afterwards. The sensible thing was not to go but then I wouldn't be a hasher.

The pub car park was like a frozen sea and very empty, I saw Mick nearly tumble just stepping out of his car. Eventually about 15 of us assembled all agreeing the craziness of hashing in the conditions. There were three walkers including a virgin. John the hare explained that he had laid the trail earlier that day using flour, red lentils and cornflakes!

We set off gingerly and soon found that the nice "clear" patches of tarmac were deadly and that it was best to keep to the refrozen snow patches. The more experienced trail blazers would occasionally find one of the various markers but it was easier to just keep an eye on the hare who would prematurely head off in the right direction. The heavy snow had brought down many branches which blocked the paths. I hadn't known why Crazy got his moniker until I saw him fearlessly hurdling every obstacle. The red lentil markers were the easiest to spot and delighted the Veggies amongst us, the cornflake checks required more alertness but were tastier. It actually wasn't as cold as several recent runs and towards the end we had the expected light rain as the thaw began. The hare had predicted about 9km but I eventually had 8km so I guess he shortcut-ed us but nobody was going to complain about that. The trail itself was pretty flat with mixed open country and woods it's all a bit of blur to me now as I was concentrating so much on my footfall. Fortunately nobody moosed because I fear that could have been painful with all the hard ice. Then there was the on-inn and back to the delightful Dumb Bell.

There just a few other people in the pub, the landlord told me that on Sunday he had 80 covers booked but that the only people that turned up were the few that could walk there. Chips appeared in sufficient quantity and the landlord kindly refused payment for them. People were requested to vote on a red or orange lining for the Hash Hoodie where a hashing groups indecisiveness once again came to the fore. The virgin walker said she liked night walking and didn't seem put off at all hope we will see her again!. Audrey had apparently brought along her two boot lace servants (see photo on the Facebook) and they kept her laces tight, I thought she was rather showing off as most us of can only afford one servant. The hare explained that his attempts to colour flour with food dye had been unsuccessful hence the lentils, otherwise he had laid the trail in bright sunshine and had not been threatened by any farmers or outraged locals. Alan AKA Crazy joked that instead of using Cornflakes he should have used Frosties boom-boom. I asked Roger if he had any anecdotes for the hash trash and he went into a soliloquy about the difficulty of urinating when one's member had been shrivelled by the cold and it was with these disturbing images that we filed out to the still slippery car park.
 

The lawyer tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
“What’s the bad news?” asks the accused.
“The bad news is, your blood is all over the murder victim, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”
“What’s the good news?” “Your cholesterol is really low.”

What did zero say to eight , "I love your belt"

Why is six afraid of seven? because seven eight nine.

Q: What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
A: Diddly-squats

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha­­! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.

Zorro