Hash 1617

Hash Trash Part 1 (from Rachel)

After last weeks’s hash, I sat in the pub with Jo and Glenn. Among other things, Jo and I chatted about the freedom of no longer having to do the hash write-up the week after being the hare. Roger, I said, had, that week, emailed me a write-up of my hash, and I was under the impression that he had taken on the task of a brief weekly write-up. We agreed that this was a favourable state of affairs. 

Imagine my surprise when, as I was leaving the pub, our GM collared me and asked me to write the Trash! Apparently I had misunderstood, despite having a memory of a vote/discussion/agreement to leave Roger to produce a brief (ha!) summary each week. 

So here I am.

***

Having written the above introduction and then looked at the website to check the number of hounds and dogs, in order to ensure an accurate portrayal of events, I have discovered that our GM has, indeed, written a verbose Trash. So I was right and am, once again, happily redundant.

Thanks for the hash, Kitty and Sooper, and for the detailed write-up, Roger!

Hash Trash Part 2 (from the GM)

First the Met Office weather warning. Muddy but not raining. 8 deg C. Did I mention muddy?

Off to a mixed start. There was some car park confusion. OK. I was confused and the others obviously don’t like to shop at Sainsbury’s.

Rather strangely, Mishmash was sporting Wellingtons. Definitely not riding boots as there was no heel or horse. Silly me.

Rather strangely, Crazy was crock. Whatever next? Politicians forgetting which party they attended.
Sorry, I mean belong to.

Headed northish and made one lap of Riley Park. It used to belong to the Ripley clan, but they got fed up with the locals taking the P. Just about here, the shorts went very short and were never seen again.Passed The Duke and saluted the Marlow Hash just in case they were there.

Then it was our favourite climb out of Marlow which is so narrow and lumpy that even Helen couldn’t do an on back.

At Munday Dean Lane, the longs fell for the old false trail trick. They were so noisy that a local shire horse owner came out to see what’s what and accosted me (innocent party). “Had I noticed that the disgustingly steep muddy treacherous trail I had just descended was clear of undergrowth?” I apologised and said no. I had been staring at the ground. But I promised to come back in daylight. I apologised for the noise of the horse rustlers. No problem, she said. The horses are eating and don’t give a d*** about anything else.

In keeping with his current form, Ken kept disappearing, to the extent that we sent a search party out/back (Mr Eager/Ant). Bizarrely, he would then re-appear, but at the front of the pack. Magic of Marlow?

No visit to Marlow Common is complete without a wade through the trenches. It even inspired that WW1 poet, Moose, to pen the lines, “You can smell my trench foot from here”.

Our hare, Sooper, was a cause for concern. On numerous occasions, Kitty hare could be seen re-booting his CPU, which he has taken to wearing on his left arm for just such an event. She must have been successful because he made safely back to the pub.

Rather curiously, we avoided the Happy Death Valley trail on the way. Instead we had a nice dry road. In passing the Hand and Flowers, I learned that it was so expensive there that only locals could afford to eat and be merry there.

In the pub, the GM offered leftovers from the New Years Day hash. There was a general lament that there were no purple sweets. I have new information on this subject. The GMs wife said that there were only ever 2 purple sweets to begin with. Q. Where do all the purple sweets go?

Thank you to our hares who also got the result they wanted.

Another batch of Covid jokes.

Pollen still coming out during a global pandemic? Read the room!

Knock-knock! Who is there? Seriously, don’t touch my door and step back 6 feet.

Day 121 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”

If you bought 144 rolls of toilet paper in preparation for a 14-day quarantine, you probably should have been seeing a doctor long before coronavirus.

How did the health experts lie? They said a mask and gloves was enough to go to the grocery store. When I got there, everyone else had clothes on.

Quarantine has really put a damper on comedy. For months nobody has walked into a bar.

Did you hear about the guy speculating on hand sanitizer? He was rubbing his hands together.

I thought you had to wear a mask when entering businesses. They kept yelling at me to put on some pants.

I’ve gained so much weight during lockdown my bathroom scale is telling me that it can only weigh one person at a time.

How do you socially distance while around family? A high-fiber diet...