Date : 29/01/13
Hare : Cockers
Scribe : Scribbler
Venue : The Crown
Hounds : dunno     Dogs : 0
Recorded distance : 8.32 km
Recorded time : 91.83 min
Uphillness : 638.70 ft

Sarge "Right, listen up lads, the Super says this is 'top priority' – the last time we had a load of nutters running around in the woods, there was bomb equipment, Al Quaeda and Lord knows what else. If that little lot had gone off, it would have literally taken Wycombe off the map, so the press are going to have a field day with this one lads. Clarky – status report"

Clarky "Sarge – we're currently holding about 20 of 'em down in the cells - the rest are still at large, but we've got the dogs out. However, they're armed with tracker dogs themselves, so it's not proving easy. Some right nutters down there as well – one of them keeps whistling, and shouting out "This is important !". He's in solitary now."

Sarge "Good – if he causes any more trouble, gag 'im. What about their statements ?"

Clarky "Well they're good liers Sarge, I'll give 'em that – all stuck to the same story….[consults his notebook] 'Out running, following a trail set by a 'hare', 5 miles cross-country, pitch black, up & down hills…etc'. Ridiculous Sarge – nobody in their right mind would have gone out in that weather – the mud was knee deep, it was blowing a gale. Nah, definitely up to no good….the word 'moosing' kept cropping up in their statements".

Sarge "Moosing ? D'ya reckon they were out hunting ? Only muntjack round here though ?"

Clarky "No Sarge – I think it might be a….erm……how should I put it…..an extreme sexual term" [everybody starts upright] "Well, quite a few of them came back, covered in mud……and blood……
….…..and one of them – Andy I think [flicking through his notebook] – was boasting about how he'd rear-ended Audra…..[Sarge quietly mouths 'disgusting']….then another [turns the page, finds the name he was looking for] – ah, Byrony – is known as, and I quote here, the 'Crutch Slammer'. Look, it's right here [jabs his finger at the newsletter] in their filth of a publication…it's even called the Trash…."

Sarge "God, they even boast about this stuff ?! Quinny – what else have you found out about the HWH3 gang ?"

Quinny "Doesn't look good Sarge – looks like it could be drug-related, possibly even Triad".

Sarge [blowing out his cheeks] "Sh*t – first the bombers now the Triads, that's the last thing we need. Go on"

Quinny [taking out his notebook] "Well, apparently HWH3 stands for High Wycombe Hash – bit bloody stupid putting drugs in your gang name if you ask me – and they've got previous in the area. Only last weekend, nearly set fire to Wycombe Heights Golf Club – protection racket ? – one of the main guys was there, all dressed up like a Chinaman….Gerry 'Red Dragon' I think……they said it was something to do with an Xmas Bash"

Sarge "An Xmas Bash – on the 26th Jan ?! A lot closer to the Chinese New Year…."

Quinny "Also, one of their members - could be a scout - Fingers Barney, was nabbed by Risborough PD last year, casing out some of the houses, putting down chalk symbols, and….."

Sarge "Chalk symbols ! Clarky, what was that in the report ?...." [grabs the log book, starts reading] "….weird chalk markings, possibly pentagrams - though the gang insist it was the number '4', which doesn't bear thinking about either ! And all this, on the doorstep of the Hell Fire Caves. Christ, so if it's not the Triads, it's a sex cult, or even worse, Sex Triads !" [Exhales, deep breath] "Right, main suspects ?"

Clarky "Well there's 3 of 'em who could be key local operatives, living wild by the looks of things, beards, long hair, unkempt. Names are…….Ade, Matt and Aaron. No sign of the Red Dragon though"

Sarge [nodding to himself] "Biblical. [draws a deep breath] They must be the assassins. There was a bible group, meeting in the Crown that very night – that's more than just a coincidence."

Clarky, Quinny "What ?!"

Sarge [lowers his voice, and leans forward] "It was on a need-to-know basis before lads, but I'm now escalating this to a murder case….[looks down at his file] Yesterday morning a farmer stumbled across this sight…." [shows them a picture - Clarky & Quinny recoil, ashen-faced]….and yes, I now reckon that's a HWH3 'execution hood' left at the scene. "Apparently, the Sex Triads were heard boasting in the Crown afterwards, about how they were going to kill this 'Ian', as the result of some grevious harm he'd inflicted upon them…."

Clarky "Could have been a drugs deal gone wrong ?…."

Quinny "Or maybe it was sexual, and he didn't keep his end of the bargain…" [sniggers, but is cut off quickly by a glare from Sarge]

Sarge "No lads, we don't know what we're dealing with yet – the Triads or some other sort of cult – but we're going to bury this for the time being. Literally – understood ?"

How it was reported in the local newspaper