Date : 23/04/13
Hare : Mr Chips , Judy
Scribe : Waldorf
Venue : The Chequers
Hounds : 40     Dogs : 0
Recorded distance : 10.73 km
Recorded time : 99.27 min
Uphillness : 640.50 ft


Now Mike and Judy definitely don't do straight forward, boring runs and I think the above kind of sums up the mood of the troops at the end of a fine evenings hashing.

Remembered is the last time that messrs. M & J set a run from The Chequers, when the longs refused at the 17th extra loop which was when practically back at the pub and which had been gleefully added to the overall total mileage by Mike. Then there was that all time classic from Hyde Heath a year or so ago where the short was actually substantially longer that the long!!!

With these events in mind, and having managed to park in the weird shaped and non customer friendly car park, we dutifully listened to our Hare Pair who advised us that the short was 4 miles, whilst the long, six.

We set off from across the A.413 with an immediate long/short split – the longs setting off on a nice loop along the Misbourne, no water as usual I presume, whilst us shorts jogged off right before taking a left passing in close proximity of Chez Consden before slipping over the A.355 to disappear into the housing alongside, followed by a gentle jog across fields to arrive alongside and duly cross the A.413.

Now running to the lodges and assorted housing on the fringes of Shardloes, we hooked a right going through a woody bit and under the main road alongside a stream to reach School Lane. This was followed to Mantles Green where we went left up the long pull past Allen's Barn Farm to eventually cross the railway line and pause at Hervines Park.

After a short break to take the fine views and enjoy the glorious evening, we set off along an avenue of quality housing before dropping down back under the railway line and skirt Parsonage Wood.
It was along here that our hare and harette detoured us to the eerie monument of the Amersham Martyrs – six men and one woman who were burned to death at the stake in 1521 for their religious beliefs with the children of some being forced to set fire to their own parents.

Following Mike's enthusiastic and blood curdling discourse concerning this sad event, the mood was raised as we realised that it was all downhill from here. With the comforting sight of Tesco's in the middle distance we set off, finally crossing Station Road and heading ON INN.

All in all, an excellent and enjoyable 4.05 miles ..... but what about the longs I hear you ask.

It seems that Mikes cunning falsie up Cherry Lane, at the end of which he swears there was "a bloody great F" was, on the night without said clue, some kindly local presumably having rubbed it out. This subterfuge meant that the longs carried blithely on for quite a distance before realising that they had taken a bum steer and having to retrace their steps.

Well, all I can say is that something was definitely not right in the woodshed, it all having gone a bit wonky with the shortest estimate of the final run being 6.76 miles by ISGH who insisted that he did absolutely zero check backs.  Other people, especially those who checked further down the infamous "Cherry Lane" false trail, clocked up well over 9!  The general Hash chit-chat seemed to focus somewhat lovingly on the prospect of bringing back capital punishment for hares.

There was also some confusion as to whether the longs had gone up to Weedonhill Farm on another little bit extra which our hosts had planned before conceding that it was a bit too far, even for our fine band and the cry of On-On changed to Oh-No from here on – with added emphasis when it was discovered the trail took them on an extra loop around Hervines Park.  Surprisingly this seemed less than popular with some, although the arrival time at the pub was an acceptable 9.30, for some reason the longs all looked cream crackered.

Much mumbling and many furrowed brows were soothed by a fine catering selection pack of chips, sausage rolls and chipolatas ( baby sausages to you!) and I think all was forgiven – sort of.

Thank you Mike and Judy for another memorable hash – oh and Happy Birthday to Judy.

STD Corner
..a semi-regular column by Matthew (who whishes to remain anonymous) -

Audra; Hmmm....I'm getting a mineral undertone, and although slightly lacking in fizz, there's a pleasing bite to the lime cordial which softens the acidity. [Holds the drink up to the light] Marginally too fluorescent for my liking, but has good structure; [sniffs it] Zesty but with additives; [long pause] 8/10 from me - great value at £1 a pint and best drunk now.

Jo: Give it 'ere, I'm gagging for a drink [downs it one, wipes her mouth on her sleeve] - !&** me, that hits the spot;  [burps loudly] Now, gimme some chips....? 9/10



Run no. 1181

Date 16th April 2013
Venue Bird in Hand @ Princes Risborough
Hounds 39
Hare Mick & Aud
Scribe Andy

Last Tuesday's run wasn't in West Wycombe as advertised, but was actually from the Bird in Hand in Princes Risborough.  No, Gerry hadn't made a mistake on the website (why would you even assume such a thing?) – the reason for the subterfuge was that it was Barney's Birthday Hash, and the man of the hour was being kept in the dark (literally?  Maybe, I didn't like to ask...).


STD Corner
..a semi-regular column by Matthew (well this one is by him anyway) - it is for those of the gentler sex who do not drink, f&rt and are very fond of their hash clothing).
Aside: STD Corner is for Soft Tangy Drink connoisseurs...what did you think it meant?all responsibilities for the name, column and mutilation of the English language, belong to Matthew - so you can blame him!

Audra : The lime cordial was rather insipid and underpowered, whilst the soda lacked minerality and general fizz. 2/10
Jo : Three !&**!@! quid for a pint of lime & soda ?!!!

Fashion watch (Who am I?) : OMG ! Now it's light you can so totally see my black trainers - they're lush. I'm not wearing my brand new ones though until it's majorly dry.

Anyway, to celebrate Barney's 40th birthday (funny, the balloon said 60 – must have been a typo, or else Ade had bought a job lot of them) Mick and Aud had laid a single run for us all to enjoy together.  The length?  A little long for the shorts, and a little short for the longs (well, that'll keep everyone happy then).  We set off up Station Road towards the middle of town before veering right up a hill.  I thought it'd be a great idea to try and race Anthony up this – a foolish plan at the best of times, but almost fatal while I'm still carrying my winter weight (I can still use that excuse in April, right?).  It was OK though, as a few checks in the Risborough suburbs slowed the pack up, allowing me to recover, everyone to have a good chat, and Roger to welcome Ellen back to the hash in slightly unorthodox style.

We headed out of town towards Whiteleaf, and after a slightly confused regroup (is there any other kind?) ran back down the hill into Monks Risborough, where we had a long-short split (yes, I know I said there was only one run – we were pretty confused too).  The longs headed over the railway line without incident, and out into the fields, eventually coming out on Longwick Road.  At this point some of Barney's balloons decided they'd had enough for one night, and even the promise of chips couldn't persuade them to finish the run (well, not intact anyway).  Back over the railway, and a short stretch through some vaguely familiar looking bits of the town brought us out at the Church Street car park, for a load of BS (apparently this stands for "Barney Stop" – or is it "Barney, Stop!"), which turned out to be beer and assorted nibbles.  A short ON INN up Manor Park Avenue then returned us to the pub, where beer and chips aplenty were to be found.  Thanks to Mick and Aud for an enjoyable run and loads of food, and many happy returns to Barney, for whichever birthday it was!