Date : 03/03/15
Hare : Waldorf
Scribe : Sarah
Hounds : 28     Dogs : 0
Recorded distance : 9.46 km
Recorded time : 80.32 min
Uphillness : 614.10 ft

The unruly mob started to gather at the car park of the Green Dragon with a nippy chill in the air. Goldilocks (Andy Pandy) was ready and waiting to greet us with his somewhat reduced locks. The crowd all slowly started to huddle and with the absence of any authority figure Mick requested an Oui with poise and control from Sarah. The teacher voice beckoned and instantaneous silence followed. (Ant's words, not mine).

Mick described the routes, a short of 3.9miles with one hill, and a long of 5.5miles with two hills. A short of 3.9miles with a hill, but there was not even a whisper of up roar. Normally any 'bit' over 3.5miles causes outrage, but they must be more forgiving of one of their own (Also, I think it helped that Mike wasn't running). The promise of hills 2 hills for the long, you could see made Ant incredibly happy.

Off we went down towards the golf club, initially with such a brisk pace that the less bionic walking Graham was still keeping up with us. We continued straight downhill to…you guessed it…go straight back up again.

It was noticed very early on that we were missing some very prominent hashers including: Barney, Maggie, Dave and Roger! Rumour has it that Roger has missed the hash to go to see Fleetwood Mac! That definitely deserves a Tosca nomination.

We had just started to head down Treadaway Hill back towards Wycombe starting to resign ourselves to come back up again. When Alan called On On we realised it was all a ruse and we snuck into Fennel's wood were there was plenty of glorious shiggy to keep us on our toes (Ed's aside: or faces).

Belting through the wood with Alan leading the way, we scatter at a check. 'On on right!' came with Alan's voice through the trees. With a moments confusion and misdirection we realised Alan didn't actually go right at all.

Back down a hill towards Well End we went with the promise of a second short split. We arrived at the split and someone obviously had seen it as the opportunity to take a leek, somewhat literally. The leek jokes flowed as we regrouped. We saw what was assumed to be the shorts slowly meandering towards us, I think it was Matt that commented 'What's taking them so long are they Moonwalking'. We got board of waiting and left Simon as the sole custodian of the leek, while he waited for the shorts to join him. As it turns out the perceived shorts, weren't shorts at all but a family group with a few scouts. Jo discovered this when she said hello to them expecting the usual faces, but Oops! On we ran following the flour. When we got back to the pub we discovered the shorts never actually waited for Simon and despite trying to follow the short route he got a little lost and ended up back at the pub after the longs having completed 5 and a … miles.

I was trying so hard not to be at the back, then I got caught out by an on back! I thought my amazing husband would be sympathetic and do my on back for me, especially as he loves an on-back. But…no! He refused to do my on-back. He said he would do it with me and forced me back! It must be the night of on-backs because even Ken completed one! No shoe lace tying, no slowing down as he approached, an on-back! (Well not the one that caught him anyway).

Time for the final hill, a very long drag from Sheepridge Lane all the way back to Flackwell Heath across a ploughed field. The farmer had kindly put a tracker track in the direction of the footpath. On track for going up the hill and the other for on-backing back down it.

Trudging along the top of the hill Zack moosed in a slimy muddy tractor rut. A lot muddier Zack picked himself up brushed off the mud and unwanted parental attention. With the end in sight we headed towards the lights for Flackwell Heath.

Moments after we reached the pub, Matt caught up, and has been singing Roger's praises ever since. We tried our best to kick through flour but the hash was not up to its usual standard with the absence of Roger and his little green bottle. By all account Matt had time for a few holes of golf. Another Tosca nomination for Roger I think!

Back at the pub it fell to Gerry to do the thank yous and normal post hash warble. However, not up to normal Roger standards. It was very short and succinct. I think that deserves another Tosca nomination for Roger. A variety of thin and fat RSJ chips were brought out and devoured by the hash. Audrey taught us how to make a chip cone (Ed's aside - from a Hash trash!) which greatly improved our chip enjoyment, even if it made the jokes somewhat greasier than normal. We also discussed the possibility that a chip rating could be added to the hashalator as this is an important metric for a hash pub. Thank you Mick for an excellent hash!