Hashes

1301

Date : 07/07/15
Hare : Moose
Scribe : Scribbler
Venue : The Bounty
Hounds : 43     Dogs : 0
Recorded distance : 8.92 km
Recorded time : 70.22 min
Uphillness : 520.30 ft

I knew it. I really did. Honestly
I couldn't quite place it before, but now I know. For sure.
Ade was a pirate in a previous life. 
Consider the indisputable facts:

1. His favourite hashing pub is by the river and called 'The Bounty'
2. He is loud....some might say VERY loud [see Pirate Identifier #5 below]
3. He favours one leg, having 'invented' a running injury - we all now know it was a stray cutlass

So it was that we 'landlubbers' gathered in Bourne End, on a calm windless evening, with the sun still high in the sky. Cap'n Ade attempted to give the pre-hash briefing [see Pirate Identifier #2 below] but nobody listens to these anyway - good job as very little information was actually given out, with Ade proving rather evasive on the length of the hash much to the concern of those still recovering from last week's joint-longest ever hash.....arrrrr! [see Pirate Dictionary below].

As it turned out, that wasn't all that Ade was being evasive on. Despite it not having rained for a while and the hash having been recently set, flour proved equally elusive to find. This was not helped by Cap'n Ade's sometimes contrary instructions 'X marks the spot me hearties.....or perh'ps 'twas a blob....Oi can't 'member'.

So, we ran up a hill, round a few fields (luckily never came across the cows Ade warned us about - much to Jo's relief), then down a hill and back to the pub. Ade was very apologetic about the length of the run but there were no complaints at all (see longest-hash ever - above), and we 'dropped anchor' at The Bounty shortly after 9pm

As we stood on the 'deck', admiring the various 'galleons' moored up outside, we enjoyed the suitably-themed 'grog', with ales such as 'Landlubber', 'Mutiny' and 'Powder Monkey' served on tap by the 'Beauty' [see Advanced Pirate Talk below] behind the bar....oh hang on, I've just remember, it was a bloke. 'Never mind' as Roger would say, 'these things happen'.

Now where was I?....oh yes, Roger was saying, or rather he was yelling rather loudly (another possible outside pirate contender there - see #4 Pirate Identifier) about the Toscas, detailing the various amusing goings-on that had taken place over the previous month. I did think Helen was going to win, for offering to pull her shorts down....or was it to go down on the shorts....the list of double entendres was seemingly endless. But no, I secured my first-ever Tosca win, and was in the process of battling my way to the front, to hold it triumphantly aloft when 'Captain Grumpy' (Ken) informed the mob that he'd left it on the doorstep....or that he'd used it as a doorstop - I forget which, but he didn't seem too bothered about it anyway. Arghhh!

As the last lubbers drained their schooners, and the silence fell over the pub, we walked off up the towpath to head for our hammocks. 'Oi!!!', a voice pierced the darkness, 'you can see my boat from here you know!'. I smiled to myself - one a pirate, always a pirate.

5 Telltale Pirate Identifiers - www.wikihow.com/Talk-Like-a-Pirate
1- 'Growl - and scowl - often'
2- 'Mutter unintelligibly unless yelling'
3- 'Embellish at will'
4- 'Gesture with your hands frequently'
5- 'Be as loud, abrasive, and confident as humanly possible'
[note- International Talk Like a Pirate Day 19th September]

Pirate Talk 
BASICS
Ahoy! 'Hello'
Avast! Stop and give attention. It can be used as in a sense of surprise - ' Whoa! Get a load of that!' - which today makes it more of a 'Check it out!', and so very useful in hashing.
Arrrr! This one is often confused with 'Arrgghh' which is of course the sound you make when you get stung by a nettle. Arrr! can mean variously, 'yes', 'I agree' or 'I'm enjoying this beer/cider/hot chocolate' (although if it's too hot, it can quickly morph into an argghhh!)
ADVANCED
Smartly - You might say to the bar wench when sending her off for another round 'Smartly, me lass.' And she might well spit in your beer.
Beauty - 'C'mere me beauty' is one of the best possible pirate addresses for a woman. You'll be surprised by how effective it is.
PICK-UPS
Male pirates 'How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off me rudder?'
Female pirates 'C'mon lad, shiver me timbers!'