Date : 01/09/15
Scribe : Sarah
Venue : The Crown
Hounds : 32     Dogs : 0
Recorded distance : 9.66 km
Recorded time : 105.52 min
Uphillness : 736.10 ft

The usual gaggle crowded together around Aud, our hare, plus a virgin hasher we dragged along called Edward. Nothing really out of the ordinary, ~5 mile long with some hills, must have been just over a 3 mile short. I can't really remember but I don't remember hearing the euphoria of a less than 3 mile short or the groans of a greater than 3.5 mile short. Check it out!

We had barely even started the hash when the first of the on backs came flooding in. Six seemed to be a popular number. Unfortunately, Howard continues to have real issues with his laces. Perhaps the hash should club together and buy Howard some elastic laces which don't come undone. They are only £4.50 from Wiggle. Might be a good investment as his shoe laces seem to be hindering him completing the on-backs.

As we continued momentary dread set into a few of us, some of the footpaths looked all too familiar, as we retraced a small percentage of the last Kennathalon. Reassurance from the hare came in the form of how long it took to set, with Aud taking under 2 hours compared to a reply from Ken of under 6.

Down the narrow tracks in the wheat fields the on-backs were impossible, most just stood aside and waited. This did not however stop Ant who saw his chance and ran two sides of the field in order to be able to complete the on-back up the diagonal path through the field. Poor Edward followed Ant knowing none the wiser that this is not standard hashing practice. Kudos to Edward however as he completed it and is welcomed into the FRBs.

At the check point with the road, the normal gaggle of hashers hung around lurking. Waiting to hear which way to go. "Is that an on-on?" asked a hasher. "No it's an Owl." Replied another. Once all the hashers had gathered and continued to look confused we wondered where Ken was. Then it dawned on people that the 'Owl' noise was Ken!

Summer has been the latest canine addition to the hash, until now…Running across the fields on Tuesday it seems a new canine has joined the hash. His name is Roger. What could be heard in the field was:
"Summer come". Called the Dodger.
"No Roger! Summer's with me." Replied Roz.
"Summer come". Called the Dodger.
"No Roger!" Roz said firmly.
"Summer come" Called the Dodger.
"Roger!" Shouted Roz
"Summer come" Called the Dodger.
"ROGER!" Bellowed the hash.

At the start of the hash Audry had warned us that the run was very 'chalky' an unusual statement for a hash. Normally it is 'very muddy' or 'very hilly' or 'there's lots of shiggy'… However, it became apparent why we were given this warning. The path narrowed and became incredibly slippy underfoot. It was in fact 'chalky', which means slippy, chalky, nettly, barbed wirey, what all good footpaths should be like. It was at this moment that Dr Dan spouted 'it wasn't like this on my run!'. He followed with saying that he did not use any path that you couldn't fit a horse down. Of course this was followed by Andy Pandy asking Dr Dan when on a hash have we had a horse? We are forgetting the very obvious possibility that one day Hells Bells may bring her horse. Until that day we will enjoy wide paths on Dr Dan's runs. You may think this would be the end of the conversation but of course not. Dr Dan continues to talk about horseback riding naked. A one way conversation as Andy Pandy had realised I was writing the trash and didn't want to incriminate himself. Just remember on Dr Dan's next hash to assess him on his choice of footpaths based on the criteria that you must be able to ride down them on a horse naked!

It was the final leg in, Howard's laces had let him down again and Maggie has now burnt her bridge with the shorts. There is no chance of her going back to them now, not now she has been caught doing an on-back!

Finally back at the pub there were oodles of chips. The lady from the pub came and asked whether we wanted more chips. A few astonished faces and a 'is the pope catholic' followed. As it was the first Tuesday of the month it was indeed Tosca night. First up, Ken. He was awarded not one, but two nominations! First for setting the Kenniest Kennathalon from the Fleur de Lis in Stokenchurch. Second, for not leaving the Tosca award on his door step. Next there was Mick, his nomination was for attention seeking. Apparently he tried to hide when a scribe was required. As his punishment for hiding he got the great honour of writing the trash! Then Gerry got a nomination for being under the weather as not once, but  on two occasions only remembering that he needed a scribe after the hash had begun and so it fell to him to put pen to paper. However, none of these hashers were quite worthy enough for the prestigious accolade. This week's Tosca award goes to Roz for being (in Roger's words) his long suffering dear wife. As always, there was heckling from the audience and Phil stating that it looks like grovelling!

Great run Aud!