Date : 03/05/16
Hare : Waldorf
Scribe : Cockers
Venue : The Wheel
Hounds : 42     Dogs : 0
Recorded distance : 9.69 km
Recorded time : 81.80 min
Uphillness : 719.50 ft

NB this hash report should be read in a Scottish accent.

My story starts at the weekend where I get my haircut ready for this lovely warm weather we are being promised by the forecasters. I asked the hairdresser for a No.4 but I am sure it is shorter than that. Sorry I digress, let's talk about Tuesday's run.

So, on a warm, dry, light evening we get to "The Wheel" nice and early. This is always good for faffing time, but not so good for the pre-run nervous energy bladder control. Roger started his pre-hash talk and that was my chance to take a pee on one of the pub signs, I think I got away with it and no-one saw me, I think?

Oh sorry people, I forgot to introduce myself, I am Hector, I am a West Highland terrier and I have been hashing for some time now. I do try to come running on my own but unfortunately my clumsy chauffeur "Alex" must be trying to get fit or lose weight or something because he always asks if I mind if he comes running too? This wouldn't be so bad but he is such a scaredy cat I have to put him on a lead and drag him round all night so he doesn't get lost.

So looking around we have got a lot of those human types here tonight… Huh, that's bound to slow things down. Oh wait up there's that little "Poppy" lassie, oh she is so lovely but boy is she hard to get to know, every time I sniff her bum she shouts at me, women hey!

On-On is called and we are off.

I run past D4 and ask him who his new little mate is? "Oscar" he replied "he seems like a nice chap but Sandra my chauffeur said he ain't much of a runner". A few hundred metres up the road we turn right down Stocking Lane, "I have run round here before, it's all very nice" left onto a footpath through a field. Well at this point I think D4 had it all wrong with Oscar as he has now changed from dragging little Sandra round and gone for a heavier tow person, Roger, he must be super-strong to drag him round for 5 miles!

Oh, poo time… Get that would you Alex there's a good chap.

Not sure whether it is the daylight or the lack of shiggy but these human types ain't good at staying up on two legs, we had Mooses from Zac who nearly broke a fallen tree when he landed, Aaron on a straight path going into his favourite piece of thicket just past Cookshall Farm and two embarrassing moments from my chap Alex, I'm sure he never listens to me when I shout "Root" I think his canine telepathy is not working, I'll have to trade him in or get him an upgrade or something.

Regroup, yeah that's slowed us down again also stopped those two-legged creatures from falling over for a while too. "Hold on, who is that beautiful blonde lassie?"

D4 whispers "that my friend is Summer… Fit ain't she?

"Filthy" I replied

"Oh I don't know about that mate!"

"No Deef, she is in that swamp/pond thing over there, stinky and filthy, she is gunna get so told off when she gets home!".

A little jog out of the woods and up Downley Road and we are back at the pub.

Mountainous amount of chip butties greeted the chauffeurs, they also like to drink a funny brown liquid that makes them all talk loudly. Fortunately I had got my chauffeur back in one piece and we were done for another week, thanks Mick for a great run, hope it didn't take long to set? Now time for a snooze under the table… twitch… Rabbit… woof…