Date : 21/03/17
Hare : Helles Belles , Ron
Scribe : IGSH
Hounds : 26     Dogs : 0
Recorded distance : 9.87 km
Recorded time : 79.35 min
Uphillness : 439.00 ft

hey say you can't get enough of a good thing – but the six on-backs before the first check of Helen and Aaron's hash were a definite test of the principle, not to mention the even greater number of checks before the second!

Perhaps they were going for a record? - as the circling around and around of the pack seems to have demonstrated. But I get ahead of myself (something I was very careful not to do on the hash).

We arrived to a carpark full of milling hashers and awkwardly parked hash cars as, joining the throng we heard the evening's plan of engagement. Helen announced two routes but broke hash etiquette by not actually lying about their lengths, we also welcomed Dave, a new hasher, into our midst. Traditionally this is followed by us giving lots of misleading advice to him about the hash, but by the end of the evening he seemed to have enjoyed himself anyway.

The route was called up Slough Lane and then right up the hill (Ed's aside: where are Slough's dreamy bombs when you need them – they could have blown away a sizeable portion of the steeper parts of the hill).

The weather, for the first part of the hash, was behaving sensibly for a change, with the sky glistening into a twinkling crystal nightscape of stars. All was right with the world – until the next on back that is, and then the one after that...

Perhaps it was inevitable that the clear panoply of the heavens would almost immediately be replaced by a snow and sleet storm.

The crop of jokes was predictable -

  • Q: "If five arctic hares were running backwards would it be a receding hair line?”

  • Q: What do you call a snowman with a six pack? A: An abdominal snowman” and last (and very much least), 

  • Q: "When do people run barefoot through the snow? A: When they've got 'snow shoes” on.

But soon the snow cleared, the night turned beautiful and the trail remained extraordinarily clear and well laid (has anyone noticed how neat Aaron's handwriting is when he is using flour?). We continued in the general direction of Bledlow until, roughly half way there, we turned around and ran back again, albeit along a different but parallel path.

After a section where I was caught by an extraordinary number of on-backs I followed Jo along a narrow path – “This will be interesting ,“I thought as Jo is always good at making comments which become quite scandalous when you take them out of context – and I needed fodder for the Trash. Sadly I simply can’t use the things Jo actually said that night!
OK, to be honest it wasn't that Jo said anything particularly scandalous – but (mea culpa) I can't use any of it because I can't actually remember what she said, but it was quite funny, Honest it was – you would have laughed if you heard it .

  • Q: What is the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? A: One is heavy, the other is a little lighter.

Eventually we came back to the road at the top of the hill by the pub – and the run went rapidly downhill from there on.

In the pub there were T shirt awards for Ant (300 runs), Rob (300 runs), and a massive 800 runs for Mick. Food was available by the bucketload, the beer was pleasant and the company entertaining. Another fine hash from the Hell's Bells and Aaron stable.