Date : 05/12/17
Scribe : Scribbler
Hounds : 23     Dogs : 4
Recorded distance : 8.74 km
Recorded time : 74.67 min
Uphillness : 194.10 ft

Since Louise is a teacher, I thought I’d mark the hash FFF … no, don’t get me wrong, that’s not a bad thing … last week’s hash was, by common consent, HHH (hilly, haily, hashy), so by comparison, Flat, Fast & Flourless is at least two grades better isn’t it?!

It was a traditional marital hash: Louise planned it and told Simon what to do; Simon then did it and was duly blamed for everything that went wrong. Such as the lack of flour … and the weather … and global warming.

The short version

We ran 1.67 miles together / long:short split after 1.67 miles / the longs ran on to Wheatfield (3 miles) whilst the shorts cut across a field to South Weston / the longs ran almost 2 miles down a long road back to Lewknor. 

That’s me done then isn’t it? What, I need to fill a whole side of A4… seriously?! [Doesn't have to be serious, you can make it funny if you like! - Ed.]

OK, Plan A, revert to Google: "Lewknor is a Saxon spring line settlement near the foot of the Chilterns chalk escarpment. Spring line settlements occur where a ridge of permeable rock lies over impermeable rock; there will be a line of springs along the boundary between the two layers." Hence why Lewknor is a long, narrow village - see, you do learn something after all from the Hash Trash!

Hmm, that still leaves me half a page short though. OK, it’s time to pull the ERC (Emergency Roger Cord):

"I’ll be quiet and won’t go on for too long - they’ve got a Christmas Party next door." [Roger, 9:30pm]

[15 minutes later] "What happened to keeping it short Roger?"

"Oh sod that! You know me, I rarely tell the truth." [Does this count as Fake News?]

Anyway, it was that time of the month … no, not THAT time of the month (females look away now), I meant Toscas. Luckily, we had a carload of carbs to keep us busy - glowing roasties on the counter, and sumptuous golden crunchies on the table. Even Kev (Foie Gras – a renaming?) pronounced himself happy. Indeed, it’s fair to say that the overall standard of heckling was adversely influenced by the quality of food, although there were some spectacular choking sounds when Roger read out his Lord of the Rings-inspired paean to Ade … something about the Phial of Galadriel … at least I presume he was talking about Ade’s phial?

I will admit though, that any comparisons between Legolas (Elvish; long, flowing golden locks) and Ade (has-been Elvis; long, flowing grey locks) must have passed me by, since I was busy marvelling at the new gender-neutral Magneto/a award, complete with mid-calf-length white pencil skirt and red sleeveless cowl top (very on-trend … maybe too much so?) Anyway, we decided that Ade should compile a photo diary of his month with Magneta to illustrate their adventures together. Ade suggested that he would tie him/her/it (see, I’m being very PC here) to the prow of his boat so he could shout "Helloooo sailor!" at passers-by. In fact, Ade suggested quite a few other things that he would do during his time with Magneto/a… but they’re not reprintable in a family magazine such as the Hash Trash. Let’s just say that Ade was very taken with the fact that the aforesaid figurine was sporting a commando look (I don’t mean in the macho sense) and would greatly benefit from the addition of a tiara. Ade obviously didn’t have many toys to play with when he was young ... maybe that’s why he opened a gift shop? Still, Christmas has come early for him thanks to Santa Roger and his bulging sack … oh, think I’d better leave it there!