Date : 12/06/18
Scribe : General Menace
Hounds : 32     Dogs : 3
Recorded distance : 11.46 km
Recorded time : 84.95 min
Uphillness : 1268.00 ft

Tuesday evening dawned brightly (if one can abuse the english language so) after the murk of the afternoon. With the wind in my hair, and the sun on my cheek, I set out for our southern boundary with enthusiasm, looking forward (as one does when driving) to a virgin pub and virgin terrain. Well done the hare for finding it. Arriving at the Thatched Cottage, I was a little disappointed to see tiles on the roof. But, then I thought, why do I not feel that way when I go to the Queen’s Head (in where-ever)?

As predicted, parking was problematic, but not insoluble.

Not so the moral dilemma that the hare’s wife had set. Being of a mathematical bent, she had chosen to combine the “and/or” operator into the hare friendly “+” sign.

Our on-backs had now become more complicated. As explained so elegantly by Whipping Boy, 4+2 now meant 4 hounds were obliged to go back, but 2 had to decide whether do likewise, or not. And if the choice were “not”, would you have to confront the opprobrium of the pack? Time would tell.

On on was called, down the road by the side of the pub, and straight into the countryside. Good. Dog off lead time. At least until we hit Woolley Green. You can take it as read that we did not run up, or down, any hills, at any time. The contours on my map show a peak to trough of 15 metres. I haven’t seen the uphilliness rating for this run, but it is going to be up there with the flatest runs of the year.

Alan has reached Derby on his epic bike trek. Sandra looks more relaxed by the day. Thought you would like to know.

The hare dragged me over to look a check. Laid on Sunday, it had faded a little from the weather, but more so because of the actions of the locals, who had gone to great lengths to drag foliage to cover our signs. “Can you let the scribe know about this?” OK, I say. Then remember that it is my turn to write. Ooops.

As also foretold, we came to the BUSY ROAD (Bath Road), which was traversed safely by all. Pottering towards Burchetts Green, Glenn told me that both Jo and Helen were absent with the same injury, a damaged big toe, incurred in completely unrelated incidents. Oh yeah. I beg to differ.

It appears that Helen was up North, and stubbed her toe on a local pict, complete with blue painted face, who insisted on speaking to her in a northern accent, and calling her “Luv”. An example of “Woad rage”, I think. At that same instant, down-south Jo, who is psychically connected to Helen at all times, jumped out of bed and performed the same kick, but in her case, kicked the floor. Blood every where. Off she goes to A&E, for the obligatory 4 hour wait and an X ray. You will be please to know, that the carpet is fine, and undamaged.

Following which, we shortly doubled back on ourselves, to grab a view of “The British Curlies” outlet, before crossing the BUSY ROAD again. We admired the properties in Littlewick Green, and discussed the merits of the Montessori School education before splitting from the shorts.

There followed a fast loop along the Knowl Hill Bridleway Circuit before we reached the main Reading-London railway line. Here, Graham had just started to bemoaned lack of trains, saying they never run on time, when, just like London Buses, two passed beneath. Graham was jubilant. “Look, where’s the third, huh? Just as I said, it’s running late.”
As his reward, he got to run 0.6m back towards Littlewick Green in a dead straight line, which took us straight back to the long/short split. Tally ho. The chase is on. Chip time beckons. Back to Woolley Green (nearly another complete loop) and on in at Woodlands Park. In the pub there was a good selection of beer, and a very friendly landlord, to go with the excellent chips. Congratulations to Zebedee, for winning the RAF Retsina Cup, which goes to the person exhibiting the most chutzpah, while still being able to stand upright on a windsurfer. Thank you Whipping boy, and your muse, for an excellent run in new surroundings.

Now, a homage to the hare’s muse.

When Noah sends his animals to go forth and multiply, a pair of snakes reply, "We can't multiply, we’re adders” – so Noah builds them a log table.

Q. Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas?
A. Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec.
Clue. Oct = Octal

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a street café watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people entering the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people leaving the house. The physicist says, "The measurement wasn't accurate." The biologist says, "They must have reproduced." The mathematician says, "If one more person enters the house then it will be empty.”

How Professors define a kiss:
In math: Two divided by nothing.
In physics: The contraction of the mouth due to the expansion of the heart. In accounting: It’s a credit, because it is profitable when returned.
In economics: A thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
In dentistry: It’s infectious and antiseptic.