Date : 10/09/19
Scribe : Cockers
Venue : The Stag
Hounds : 46     Dogs : 4
Recorded distance : 13.14 km
Recorded time : 106.88 min
Uphillness : 993.00 ft

So if you are about to set your first ever Hash then what is the best thing to do? Ah yes, a good old bit of delegation, right what do we need????

1. Someone who is good at geography, and knows how to read a map or two …. ??? mmm let’s have a think…. Step forward, Rachel, the cartographer, that’s one part sorted.

2. A bit of “back up” in-case we get shouted at by a gobby Farmer on his quad bike (yes that was a previous hash around flackwell area). Step forward Billy “Machete” Whizz and his long knife wielding skills.

Perfect, with those things in place then all there is to do is throw a bit of flour around the countryside and drum up a bit of interest from our fellow runners to go find the route?

Over to Nicola in the promotions and marketing part of this crack team, how do we get hashers interest up…. Mmm… oh i know… Smutty “Carry on” style dooouble on todgers on the group Whatsapp group.. Ooh Matron? That will get them going….

I’m thinking that Nicola has got the hang of this Hare thing straight away, as she told us that the Long was 6.4 and the short was 4 miles.. Funny how my GPS watch told me that it was nearer 8 miles by the time we returned to the pub (Maybe Keyboard Ken lent her his piece of string to plan the route with?)

The Shorts came back in and had a little moan about no flour being laid for them, Nicola had been told that if you give them a map they will find their way… I’m thinking this is a good idea, and might ask it to be brought in as a Standard procedure what say you lot?

Anyway I digress so back to the run. “Speed bump” took the dress code up a notch by wearing his Brogues for the whole run, saying to me that they were fairly old therefore very comfy to run in, they didn't seem to upset his running as he still came past me on the up hill on-backs.

We ran all the way down to the river at Bourne End then turned back up hill for the second half of the run. I didn't hear of anyone Moosing, I did hear our beloved “Moose” and his very distinctive “Woone Owee..” or what ever he shouts?

All safely back to the pub and some lovely chips and a cool beer cheered us all up.

Sooper turned up in his Civies and announced that he has nailed it now, just turn up clean and tidy for a beer and cut out any of that running stuff…
I walk over to Hells Bells table only to find the Accountant quizzing her peers on the price of each item on the lunch menu….. Proper dull table that one!

Mick did his obligatory lets lock his car keys in the boot of his car trick again, which must be testing Auds resilience as his friend, maybe you could brush up on your cheese and ham toastie prices Aud and go and sit on Hells table instead of having to drive to micks house after hashing each week?

The final part of this very eventful First ever Hash set came a few days later when Nicola text me saying that after the Barmaid left that evening she noticed some strange markings in the car park, namely “SSS” with an arrow leading to the back door. So she rang Sam the landlord who worried they were being targeted for a burglary drove back to the pub and trawled through his CCTV.

He couldn't believe it had appeared in daylight hours, how blatant these criminals are these days. He then spotted that the markings appeared after Billy Whizz’s van turned up in the carpark. He had been just about to call 101…. Boy will these people never learn about hashing and Hashers flour! Maybe Nicola your Hash No. 2 should be a fancy dress one with us all dressed as Burglars?

Great hash, lovely chips and many thanks to all you muppets out there that made it and easy write up for your scribe today!