Date : 27/07/21
Hare : Stalker
Scribe :
Hounds : 38     Dogs : 3
Recorded distance : 0.00 km
Recorded time : 0.00 min
Uphillness : 0.00 ft
Extra pre-hash info

NB - CHANGE OF VENUE. Run is now from the Havelock on Kingsmead Road and not the Derehams Inn.

Here's a map of the run. No short run this evening because of the change of venue but there's talk of some runners setting of from the old pub and ending at the Havelock - best check WhatsApp if you want to do that - too complicated for me to explain here.

We were all excited at the prospect of running from the Derehams Inn, especially those in the former Tuesday 7:30 bubble, as Moose  had entertained us with stories of how the landlady there had previously refused to entertain hosting a hash. With all that excitement and anticipation building up it was a blow to hear that the pub, having been sold, was running down its  stock and unlikely to have enough beer to slake the thirst of a horde of hashers. Of course possibly even more disappointed was the hare, Nicola, who on short notice had to locate an alternate pub fairly proximate to the planned path. However, it must be said, I don't think any of the hashers were disappointed with the back up pub, the General Havelock.

Having been relocated to the ever reliable (and welcoming) Havelock, Sooper shared with us a postcard of a former landlady at the Havelock bottle feeding a piglet on the bar.  Now, why, may you ask, did Sooper have this postcard? Well, because, the former landlady was in fact Sooper's grandmother.  Now, why, may you ask, was Sooper's grandmother giving a piglet a bottle of beer on the bar? Well,  we have no idea ... answers on the back of a, oh, postcard? Given Sooper's parents still live 'next door' to the pub, I reckon someone from the Cooper household has a fair chance of furnishing us with the answer.

Nicola had another hashing bombshell for us, even before we'd arrived at the pub, the short route had been scrapped for the evening as it was no shorter than the long! Instead of the short route, we had two starting points, with the shorties dropping a mile from  the route by starting at the Derehams Inn, which meant the longs were destined to spend about 3.5 miles playing catchup. In summary so far, two pubs, two start points, no short route, and the mystery of the pig.

Assembling in the car park, were many familiar faces that we hadn't seen for some time, and some Berkshire hash guests, but curiously no Roger - the mysteries continue. Our hare gave him every opportunity, before seizing control and sending us to check it out. As we ambled across the road and through the Kings Mead, past the hare bravely trying to obscure the On Inn, the conjecture about the GM's whereabouts kicked off. The popular view was that he must have joined the shorts, but given he doesn't use a mobile (call out only), there was no way of confirming this. As we approached the London Rd, the checkers both claimed to be have spotted flour. Hmm, smart money says we are going to come back this way, that would explain the On Inn we saw too.  The question remained though, which way WAS on? Well luckily for the longs the hare sent us on our way, tracking along the stream. The 6 o'clock walkers? Well, they chose the other route, so ended up successfully following the hash backwards. This really was becoming a very curious hash.

Once we hit the A40, we continued south-eastish until we got to Derehams Lane, where we turned left to run past the shorts' start point, decoratively decked out in ribbons and bows. Were they celebrating not having to host the hash? Were the celebrating the sale of the pub? Were they celebrating having no beer? We'll never know, but the last option seems the least likely. Also noted, no sign of Roger's car. Anyway, having started heading up hill, what could we do but follow Derehams Lane and  continue our ascent! Which is exactly what we did, getting perilously close, but not quite into Wycombe Heights Golf Centre. Running though some typical chiltern farmland, we continued north until Beacon Hill, which I believe, should have been the site of the Long / Short split that never was.

Turning west it was across more farmland above the golf course, crossing a fairly busy road and then we seemed to do three sides of a field .. most of us anyway, some seasoned hashers, saw what was going on and cut across the field. Conjecture about the GM's whereabouts continued, with some expressing concern as it was most unlike him to not be with us. Nicola was absolutely sure he knew where we were meant to be as they'd swapped emails that afternoon; well she was pretty confident she'd told him where to go anyway. 

Having successfully negotiated the field and commenced our descent, we had a brief, but very dark sojourn through a wood. Who'd have thought you'd need a torch in July? The answer was Ken I believe! Having popped out of the woods we were united with the shorts and carried on our now mostly down hill run toward civilisation. And that brought news of the GM .. he was baby sitting so the rumour mill had it. Mystery solved. Or was it? Because, according to a well placed source, Roz was the one who was meant to be doing the baby sitting this night. Hmmm ...

Back onto Gomm Road, we headed across the A40 and into the park crossing the footbridge where we had flour both ways (see para 4, above). A few of us took advantage of the opportunity to use the play ground equipment before trotting back to the Havelock, where we found the Roger. And now the mystery was solved. He hadn't gone short. He wasn't baby sitting. He did know where we were meant to be. So what had happened? A puncture, with a large lump of metal lodging itself in one of the tyres.

Thanks for a lovely hash Nicola and sorry about your moose!

=-=-=-=-=-= J O K E S =-=-=-=-=-=

The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will get that.

Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?” I burst into tears. He's 11 years old and still doesn’t know my name is Brian.

What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.

What starts with an “O” and ends with “nions” and sometimes make you cry? Opinions.

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

I sold my vacuum cleaner; it was just gathering dust.