Hash 1385

GM's Note.  At the request of an incoming administration, certain items that bore too close a resemblance to Alternative Facts that didn't fit the correct world view have been redacted thus XXX. Pink showing solidarity with women of the world.

Fluid dynamics is a fantastically complicated yet completely fascinating field of science. For example, a non-Newtonian fluid will behave thixotropically when placed under stress. A familiar demonstration of this effect is, as I'm sure you're all aware, whacking some custard with a hammer. (This is happily one of the true facts in this write up).

The mysteries of hydrodynamics then will go some way to explaining the counter-intuitive situation we found ourselves in during Gerry's run from The Chequers at Wheeler End last Tuesday. To wit: how can there be so much mud still around when it's so bloody freezing.

Now because I have exciting things to get on to (and because I've just spent the last hour reading obscure science pages on Wikipedia) I shall be brief in the actual description of the hash (pause for ironic cheers). In summary then:

It was very, very cold. Us valley dwellers always feel the drop in temperature once we scale the giddy heights to Wheeler End but this was bitter.

It was spectacularly muddy. The very first check through Rickets Farm was some of the worst shiggy we've had for ages. Honestly, it was like unwhacked custard in there.

Ian's neighbours are worried that he'll scare the horses. Well not just Ian, but he's the one who's probably put the idea into their head. We had to tiptoe silently past the stables so as not to upset them (horses and neigh-bours).

Gerry has a cruel streak (or was suffering from hypothermia when he set the last half mile). When we were practically in sight of the pub we meandered all over the common like a drunken crow.

There were plentiful chips and warm welcome back at the pub. But no custard. Although ketchup is actually a non-Newtonian fluid as well now I come to think of it; and tasty.
One last thing to note was that a couple of people genuinely, and as far as I can tell unironically, mentioned how well the trail had been set; with plenty of flour and clear marks. So thanks for that Gerry. Just a shame about all the mud and ice.

So. I'm sure you're asking yourself what could be more exciting than one of my write ups? After all, I do know words. I have all the best words.
The answer could of course only be...

Statistics!

Oh yes. It's that time of year again - about a month after I could have sorted them out if I wasn't so lazy - when we cast our eyes back over the hashalator highlights of the last year.
These carefully collected and collated numbers have been processed using the most rigorous statistical methods known to man (to this man at least).
First up. The XXXXest hash of the year.

Coming in at a eminently reasonable X.XX miles is XXXX run from the XXXX at the start of the year.

This is in fact such an unimpressive distance that it didn't even break into the top ten longest hashes currently in the Hashalator. We're obviously getting better at setting reasonable lengths (maybe Ken didn't set as many in 2016).

Given that stat though, it's somewhat less reassuring to see that 2016 has seven entries in the top ten slowest ever hashes. A remarkable effort given they were all so short. Technically the slowest was Hawkeye's run round Farnham Common in June at 133 mins, but that did include a very enjoyable beer stop in his garden so I'm not entirely sure it counts. A close second though and with no beerstop that I remember, was Paul's run from The Village Hall (which is not in fact a village hall) in Chalfont, taking us 130 mins ... although I had to park about a mile away so maybe that slowed things down.

The 'honour' of the XXXXest hash of the year goes to XXX for his hash from the XXX in XXX. The only entry in the top 10 for 2016 but in with a bullet at number two. A mighty XXX. No mean feet (sic) given  that there's hardly any hills up there on on the escarpment (really there's just the one).

The most popular hash of the year was of by one of our most popular hashers (purely judging by the number of people who came to his hash). XXX's run from the XXX. An all time high of XXX hashers.

I think we should try and be less popular this year otherwise it's going to cost a fortune to buy enough chips.

And finally, just for miserable old Alan who would like to know, the hash with the fewest number of hounds was the very last hash of the year.

XXX's run from the XXX on XXX had XXX runners (although all of a very high quality I seem to remember). Seems a little odd to me; a freezing cold night, XXX, a pub just round the corner from where the XXXest hash of the year and set byXXX - how could anyone resist? And yet mysteriously it's not only the lowest turn out of the year but also the lowest in the database so far (I'm sure Gerry will be only too willing to tell you all about the early days when there was only 3.5 hashers in the entire Hash - so steer clear of him).

I was dragged along to it by Kitty, who hasn't learnt to spot the warning signs yet - and it a fine hash it was too (plenty of chips to go round).
So all in all 2016 turned out to be a fine year indeed. Oh, apart from all those people dying and all the dreadful politics and so on.