Date : 14/06/16
Hare : Barney
Scribe : Hawkeye
Hounds : 39     Dogs : 0
Recorded distance : 10.27 km
Recorded time : 83.47 min
Uphillness : 290.40 ft

Okay, Alex and I have reached Princes Risborough, with just the vaguest notion that the car park is somewhere near Tesco 'cos that's where we always go for Barney's hash. Suddenly we were relieved to see a blue Audi convertible with the number plate that ends in RMC. On the basis that these cars are quite rare these days, the colour's the same, the number plate is about right and the chances of two identical Audis arriving at the same roundabout at the same time are probably lower than winning the lottery, we decided that following Roger would make it nice and easy to get to the hash on time, without having to think about where we were going. When we arrived in Monks Risborough, it dawned on us that the impossible probability had actually happened!

We arrived late to miss the pre-hash speeches, so have no idea how long the hash was or where it went. In fact all that seems to be buzzing round my head are the words IN, OUT, LEAVE and REMAIN.

We LEAVE the car park, and start running OUT towards the railway track. I REMAIN with Matt, Nicky and Roger and attempt to keep IN touch by hobbling along. Before the longs LEAVE us for dead, Poppy picks the perfect time to pop OUT a selection of mini snickers all over the road. IN this instance Aaron was not a good chap and LEAVES Helen to REMAIN behind to pick it all up. IN due course we arrive at the long/short split, and the longs LEAVE to do their loopy thing, and we the shorts head OUT on the Phoenix Trail, while attempting to REMAIN together with the hare. We LEAVE the Phoenix Trail at Sandpit Lane and OUT INto some fields. Nicky keeps talking about her gym being a cross between Rocky and the WI. Has she taken LEAVE of her senses? Matt chips IN and LEAVES no stone unturned IN his attempt to OUTwit everyone else, as the conversation turns towards being chased by velociraptors. The fields get thicker and thicker, but our trainers LEAVE the field clear for the longs, who are catching us up fast. We reach the Red Lion at Longwick, and REMAIN in their sights, before finally the catch is made near the railway crossing. We reach the ON INn at last and head back to the car park.

IN the pub, OUT come the chips, and down goes the beer. Roger highlights his complete failure as hare to keep a hash together, losing both the longs and the shorts, and awards Hawkeye the Tosca without a by your LEAVE.

Thanks Barney for a great run and excellent chips.

I REMAIN yours truly...