Date : 29/11/16
Hare : Spy
Scribe : Sarah
Hounds : 36     Dogs : 0
Recorded distance : 9.45 km
Recorded time : 112.88 min
Uphillness : 187.57 ft

A very cold Tuesday evening with temperatures dropping to below freezing. That didn't stop 30 plus hashers. We gathered in the car park of Chalfont St Giles (as per the instructions on the hash website), all except our GM who was waiting in the pub carpark. As we are dutiful hashers we went to find him, or was that just checking? Our hare for the evening explained that it was slightly undulating and there was no shiggy (that's because it was frozen!). Off we went checking. This week we were short on checkers: Helen was late, 'The Matt's' and Ant were walking and Andy came up with a poor excuse – something about Sarah going into labour. I have never seen so many walkers on a hash. Their aim for the night was to keep up with the shorts and longs.

Off we went on a beautiful but cold evening. It wasn't just the mud that was frozen as we crossed a glorious rolling sheep field heading out of Chalfont St Giles. The cold however was well prepared for, too well prepared for in certain cases. With many a hasher shedding layers as we got going, Nicky was walking so fast that she was shedding a layer a mile!

As the hash progressed, the long walkers were feeling a lack of identity as a new faction within the hash. Hawkeye coined the term 'waffler' when describing himself. Apparently it is a cross between walking and shuffling. 'The Matt's' did not want to be grouped under this title, instead they wanted to come up with their own unique name. Many suggestions were banded about over the course of the hash. Some reference to Rocky which went straight over my head. Matt W then decided to make reference to more recent films (1980's instead of 1970's). This still went over my head as I was only born in 1985! The inseparable Matt's powered on nameless in light of the conditions, well in the sole light of Matt R's touch to be honest.

The shorts split although some longs were so keen to join the shorts they accidentally joint the short route for a bit before disappearing back into the night. Maybe trying to avoid the inviable buffalo but more likely sheer stupidity.

Talking of sheer stupidity, although us Dawson's aren't ones to talk . Moose mentioned that he doesn't moose anymore because he is too slow, quoting that the only thing fast about him now is his breathing. I warned him to not make this claim to early as we weren't back at the pub yet. As fate would have it not long after this, Moose appeared with blood dripping down his leg and a red sock.

Back on the short an unusual event was about to occur. Mick was so confident in the way he was going that he checked for the first time in 2016, his blind confidence was immaterial it wasn't that way. Ken likened it to his annual on-back. From then on the map was employed as the primary means of checking for the shorts and a rather uneventful return to the pub.

Back to the carpark with the 'The Matt's' have finally decided on their name (half of which has to be censored out as this is a family friendly group). The S****y Sprinters had managed to complete the long at maximum walk speed, although walking two abreast down narrow tracks also helped. Nicky fortunately had enough layers to sustain 6 miles of delayering with layers to spare.

The pub was very friendly and welcoming. As the shorts, well short walkers (Our tag line should really be "A running club with a walking problem!"), were waiting patiently for the longs to return. Roger was keen to prove his knowledge by humming a song I had never heard of by a band I can't remember the name of that ended in asking everyone the question is "Mark Knoffler Australian?". Sitting there intrigued more by the dialogue than the answer I checked the signal on my smartphone. 4G it said, well that's as good as knowing the answer in my eyes but maybe that's why I'm useless at quizzes.

The longs returned to a hero's welcome with onion rings, sweet potato chips and normal chips. Thanks Paul for the great spread! We added to munchies by sharing some of the cake made for Lucy's dedication at the weekend. Given the empty plates I think all the food was appreciated by the hashers.

A first in hash history, Roger was asked to be louder in the pub when giving his speech. Really? Yes it is true! Before he even began Mike was perceptive realising that Roger was holding an achievement award hidden inside a used, or possibly reusable dog pooh bag it wasn't clear. Across the bar Mike shouts 'It's a t-shirt!'. Tonight's t-shirt goes to Mike's long suffering wife, Judy for completing 350 runs. The quote on the back reads 'Don't stare I'm an actress I'm pretending to like this T-shirt'. Roger was keen to mention that the shorts managed to get back before walkers, however, Louise was quick to mention that Roger was with the slow walkers. It was also pointed out that Bibby was abandoned by the hash (well, Nicky!).

Finally, a huge congratulations to Andy and Sarah who gave birth at 20:45 to a girl named Abigail Elsa Poole weighing 9lb 8oz. Another hasher in the making!