Chip Advisor


Date : 08/01/13
Scribe : General Menace
Hounds : 37     Dogs : 0
Recorded distance : 7.98 km
Recorded time : 77.32 min
Uphillness : 509.00 ft

Back in the pub, I remembered that I was due to write the Hash report.

As is common practice I set about retrieving a map from the Hares.

First I turned to Leslie and asked for a copy.  She shrugged and raised her eyebrows slightly.

I turned to David and asked the same question.  Leslie shrugged and raised her eyebrows to save David the effort of trying to rearrange his face which was set in stone.

Then I did something rather daring for a man and tried multitasking.  I looked at them both simultaneously and asked the question again.

This time I got a reaction as David gave me a rye smile (well, we are the Wycombe Hash after all).

Armed with this valuable insight I will write my report.  I know where we started the run and I know how it ended.  I will try and join these two dots with a plausible trail.

We knew it was time to move from the pavement outside the pub when the hare started to bellow and the real hounds started to keen.  A local virgin hasher was introduced as "Denise" (is Farnham Common a seething hotbed of virgins?) to her obvious dismay and then we were off.

This was the first outing of my new running shoes.  You would have recognized them because they had film of phosphorescent plankton generously smeared across the outside, that gave them a syn-bio life of their own.  I say "had" because that brief moment of beauty did not survive the Hash.

For the record, the weather was relatively mild for the time of year and the air decidedly humid, more akin to being in the centre of a cloud.

The hash headed across the main road down Beeches Road and thence into Burnham Beeches.  No surprises there then.  A right turn then took us north into the main body of the wood and into the great unknown.

En route I exchanged recipes with Ruth who had managed to re-engage with the Hash after a lengthy absence.  It transpires that her boss had gone into early labour and consequently stopped work for a while.  This has allowed Ruth to leave work at a sensible hour and not be a slave to attendance. 

A few words about the terrain.  The ground under foot resembled good shiggy in places but considering the rain of the past few weeks was quite acceptable.  It also undulated up and down in equal measure.

The rest of the loop through the Beeches is somewhat hazy in my memory as everywhere looks like everywhere else.  I do have a recollection of me running past trees and then occasionally a tree would run towards me and then pass me again, heading towards the front of the pack.  I was prepared to accept it as just one of those things that happens without knowing what or why, when all was made clear.  Nickey revealed that the "tree" was her eldest son Sam and that another son Theo might yet be bigger still.  It seems he drinks 8 pints of milk a day!!!  I think for that amount of calcium he must be growing an exo-skeleton as well as building internal bones.

And then we popped out at Kingsway and the on-in having covered 5 miles in very good time.  Now isn't that a plausible trail?

Back in the pub we were treated to chips in a basket and beer by the 1/3 pint (truly).
Sarah D was presented with a very special T-shirt and an apology from the Board of Directors of HWH3 for her completion of 100 runs with a 13% project overrun.

Many thanks to Hares Leslie and David for a very enjoyable night out.