Hashes

1457

Date : 22/05/18
Hare : BigFoot
Scribe : Wing Co
Hounds : 37     Dogs : 2
Recorded distance : 11.72 km
Recorded time : 91.32 min
Uphillness : 1113.00 ft

Steve,

In an attempt to set a record for the quickest submitted Hash write-up, I thought I would submit it before the Hash has taken place. Here it is for tomorrow's Hash.

Cheers,

Simon

After last week’s slight problem with Bigfoot getting lost on the Hash, he decided that the best way to avoid it happening again was to lay the trail himself. Thereby guaranteeing that he would always know the correct way to go. This turned out to be an excellent idea and I can report back that this time he did not get lost at all.  Speed Hump, who also got lost last week was following Bigfoot and so he tried the new tactic of not following Bigfoot and this seemed to work much better. (They both blamed the poor quality of the previous Hares' work, but after an internal and unbiased investigation these claims were proved false.)

Bigfoot did ask for me to be kind about his Hash in the write-up and so here goes:

This Hash has to be one of the best we have had this year, if not ever. The master stroke was making the sun stay up for longer which meant that we could actually see where we were going and enjoy the panoramic views from the top of the hills; future Hares take note! This simple change made for a glorious experience, we all ‘Ooooed’ as we ran up the hills and ‘Ahhhed’ at the views from the top. We ‘chortled’ as we explored the trail he had set for us and smiled as we did the on-backs. We felt a giddy sense of excitement when we discovered that a surprisingly large range of numbers had been used for the on-backs, an extravagant but welcome luxury.  Attention was even paid to the smallest of details and arrows even had arrow-heads on them, a small detail you may think, but one that brought a tear to Scribbler's eye, "Proper arrow-heads," he could be heard mumbling as we went around the trail. He claimed that it was just something in his eye, but the skip in his step gave it away, he was in Hashing Heaven.

Bigfoot did have to quell his normal exuberance and spent most of his time like an overeager puppy on a lead that was too short, and whilst he was desperate to chase up and down sniffing everyone, he had to restrict himself to the back and mark out the route for any late-comers. He did seem to feel the need to point out the importance of good quality marking at the back of the trail, but the significance was lost on me. But it seemed to keep him happy, although the repeated singing of the lyrics "if you go down in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise" did become a bit disconcerting after the tenth time.  Was there any coincidence to this and the number of deep holes and low-hanging branches, that I alone seemed to discover as I ran down the wrong trails? But I am sure it was just my mind playing tricks on me.

The course was simply ‘Goldilocks’; not too short and not too long, not too hilly and not too flat and most importantly, not too many lost Hashers (which I have since been informed is a good thing).

Overall this reporter gives a Trip Advisor rating of 6 out of 5 for what was a truly spectacular Hash and the decadent use of flour gave a sense of opulence and the feeling that this was luxury, a truly Royal event.

A Joke

A harrier and a harriet who had never met before, found themselves sharing a bunk room at large hash weekend. Although the harrier was initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower. At 1:00am, the harrier leaned down and gently woke the harriet saying, "excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into that cupboard to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," the harriet replied, "just for tonight, why not pretend that we're married?"
"Wow! That's a great idea!" exclaimed the harrier.
"OK," replied the harriet, "get your own chuffing blanket!"