There has been a murrrrrrddddeeeer, according to PC Wright and DI Berry. It seems a murder in the sleepy Chilterns is becoming a yearly event, with our own series of Midsummer Hash Murders.
The Hash gathered in the car park opposite the Harrow in Hughenden, to be told more. It was a shame that no one seemed to listen or care about the tragic loss of life. Perhaps it is a very sad reflection, that increasing number of senseless murders (aren't they all?) has made us immune to such tragedy. Is it a defence mechanism, apathy which everyone seemed to be disillusioned with or simply that the Constable was losing his warm up the crowd skills? Or it could simply be that the Hash were confused by Mr Wright being referred to as PC?
PC Dogsbody was not on duty tonight. Perhaps having walked the beat earlier helping to leave clues, he was now off duty. Or was he annoyed at leaving clues rather than finding them and wanted to have no further part of the deed.
Apparently we were all suspects. Most tried to mingle in with the group of suspects by coming in fancy dress. Ken told me he was an Australian spiritualist, but I had my suspicion that he was one years ago, but never thought it was any of my business. Someone was so well camouflaged that we didn't know who it was, Helen thought it could be a neighbour. Pythonists were sure it was a Shrubbery, particularly as Knight Roger de Wooburn Green was heard to say neigh as he ran passed. No one asked what Roger Crusade was, but we wish him well.
Into the adjoining field we went and then up the very steep hill which was home to a herd of Jersey cows. They looked like Jerseys to me, but I didn’t check their passports. Mr Chips and his rifle was doing a farmer impression while talking to one of the cows. Poor cow, she now can't remember what Channel Island her family is from, but she knows to stay closer to her herd in the future.
DI Berry had cleverly provided cakes to keep the suspects together and to deter the murderer from doing a runner. By observing the pace of the tonight run, I think if the murdered did run off with any sense of purpose, he or she would have stood out straight away. As DI Berry had forgotten her car keys, the cakes remained in custody in her car, under a vest.
It was a lovely evening and a great location, in fact it was only last month when we were last at this pub. Was it the very plentiful chips and bread that brought us back? Is that something hasher's like? I think you can take that as a big yes.
It was discussed how sad it is that in 2018, some phone obsessed skinny kids, growing up in wealthy Chiltern homes never get to try a chip butty. Perhaps the Hash should set up a charity to help these deprived, over privilege children. Should we ask Barney to start a special collection next week for this worthy cause? Or ask Sooper to write an App for worried parents to track their children’s intake on chip butties?
Unfortunately the pub again only had one lonely, unhappy young member of staff working tonight, so the beer flowed very, very slowly and no banter was allowed. If we are returning next month, I was thinking of putting my order for a beer in now.
The discussion then got onto double carbs and 'good' and 'bad' carbs. Too much information for me. I prefer the advice given in my 1899 copy of 'The Practical Affairs of Life; by Robert Lennox Ludlow……. It states that “I am going to give you the bold advice to eat what you like. I am sure that in nine cases out of ten what a man fancies is that which is good for him.”
It doesn't give advice to Ladies, so maybe this only applies to gentlemen. Maybe we should get a group of male and female volunteers and carry out a control experiment to check the theory out?
Once the chip butties were eaten, PC Wright announced who was the murderer was and which team won. The tension before the announcement was the opposite to fever pitch. Hashers are very good at keeping their emotions hidden. The fact that the murder was brought to justice was good enough for the majority who didn't want to know any gory details about how the murder took place.
The winning team was announced and Ron was awarded with the best dressed women award and went away very happy with his prize of a jar of sweets.
As the Moon rose and Hasher's started to make their way home, I was reminded of another quote from the Practical Affair of Like namely;
“Work prolongs life, but worry kills.”
So work hard, eat what you like, have a great week and don't worry, go Hashing.