Date : 04/12/18
Hare : Moose
Scribe : Cockers
Hounds : 45     Dogs : 3
Recorded distance : 9.17 km
Recorded time : 93.98 min
Uphillness : 1153.00 ft

Oh here we go then, on a cold and rainy winter's evening (yeah, I know lots of Hash Trashes could start like that) we had been informed that the General Havelock had limited car parking spaces and this turned out to be very true, with people pulling into said car park and subsequently reversing out of said car park at regular intervals… So, after we had clogged up the neighbouring streets (when I say 'clogged up' I mean to fill the streets with our cars, not run around like little Dutch kids with a water leak; however it was raining enough to upset a Dutch villager) we jogged back into the damp, drizzly, dimly-lit back alley of the 'General' ready for the introductory speeches…

Roger whistled and dogs barked (that's standard for a hash write-up too) then Ade delighted us with a short speech that told us that the long run was a smidge over five miles which was met with a muffled cheer and the hope that we wouldn't be heading straight to Flackwell Heath, i.e. up a vertical hill that starts at the pub. One of us minions asked Ade what distance the short run was… well I'm glad that wasn't me who asked, as it got a paused thoughtful stare from our Hare and then a sudden flippant reply of, "What do I look like? A bloody GPS or something?"

Kindly Moose sent us north on a more urban route…

Now at this point in the Trash report I would like to introduce you all to a drinking game I once used to play when The Police's song 'Roxanne' came on the jukebox (oh, for any of you younger hashers, a jukebox is like a box hanging on the wall in a pub that was full of records/CDs (like Spotify Premium) that we used to put 5p into to put a record into a playlist for our enjoyment… Yeah, I know, we did used to know how to have fun back then!)

So the game was you pick a side to be on, either 'Roxanne' or 'Red Light', and every time you hear that team name you have to stand up and drink two fingers of your pint…

OK, here is the link to this hash report - please pick a side to be on, either 'Wye' or 'Dyke', and get ready to stand up and drink when your team name is mentioned.

The run as I just said went north from the pub, first crossing the Dyke on Fennels Road (Hope you are standing and drinking, Team Dyke? Oh bugger I said that word again, drink again!) then looping around a very busy section of netball teams on the Kingsmead courts, that’s where we first crossed the river Wye (Yep, that's you other lot, up you get and sup up!) A little stint on the London Road and then we were crossing the Wye again: That's twice, are you people logging this? We followed the Wye for a bit then turned off onto Kings Road and Beech Street, lots of checks held the pack together, however I did check the wrong way and found myself on the Dyke again… we were back on route running adjacent to the Dyke on Mead Way, straight over the crossroads onto Wrights Meadow Road (I wonder if that is how Scribbler made his fortune, in selling his field to Currys And Wickes?) Portland Road took me on another wrong check and a lovely little bridge on the Dyke again. Sierra Road took us all over the Dyke again and a wrong check for me again, some days your luck is just not in. Bassetsbury Lane, then a nice old train track running north west bridged us over the Dyke and Wye consecutively, a small climb and we crossed the train line for real. A couple of nice footpaths and we popped out at Gordon Road, passing the Belle Vue Pub. (I wonder if this is how Bellers made his millions?) Through a small tunnel and past the Sausage Tree pub (I'm sure there is a pun in that, but i’m not going there!) we dropped downhill, crossing the A40 and river Wye to the long/short split…

The Longs take the Parkrun footpath round the Rye and cross the Dyke once more - Team Dyke must be getting tipsy by now? Sorry Team Wye, are you drinking enough? Tom Jones could help you drink… Wye, Wye, Wye, Delilah! We follow the Dyke all the way to Keep Hill Road then a little loop through the woods brings us back to Wycombe Marsh where we see… Wait for it… "Ade's House from Here!" Beers and snacks gratefully received under an umbrella in the rain, was it raining? "I hadn't noticed!"

Back to the pub for more beer and chips, you are spoiling us Mr Moose!, also a busy pub prevented Roger's speech - well, for at least a week that is…

Great run, great hospitality, crap weather: B+ Mr Moose!

Oh, and if you Drinkers are looking to finish your pints then get some of this…

Dyke Wye Dyke Wye Dyke Dyke Wye Wye Wye Dyke!