Date : 12/11/19
Hare : Hawkeye
Scribe : Chicken Licken
Hounds : 37     Dogs : 4
Recorded distance : 9.58 km
Recorded time : 81.25 min
Uphillness : 1193.00 ft

It was a freezing night as we gathered at the Royal Standard in Wooburn Common, where our hare Hawkeye gave us the lo-down on the evening’s run. 3.5 miles for the shorts and 5.5 miles for the longs, or thereabouts. It would end up being thereabouts a bit longer. He said the shiggy was to rival mine and Glenn’s hash last week, but he had set it only an hour or so before the run so there would definitely be more flour than on our hash.

As we trotted off, happily crossing the road and up a bridle path, we all soon turned back due to a false trail. That’s got to be a record for a false being laid so close to the start! Back on the right route, Aaron spotted a For Sale sign which we looked up back at the pub, details later. No prizes for guessing we ran through Odds Farm, the smell said it all.

I have no real idea as to where we went, other than through some woods and fields, down footpaths, over a few stiles, under some low lying branches, over a fence and through some shiggy. I can tell you that Tim apparently ran the whole way because he’d been given orders from Helen. I think Helen should give orders to quite a few others too, no names mentioned, not even mine!

On the odd occasion we had to link woods, fields and footpaths with a bit of welcome tarmac, enabling us to run like a normal person rather than doing Torville and Dean impressions on the mud. It was on one of these stretches of tarmac that I heard a rhythmical tapping sound behind me. Someone trying to wear in a new pair of stilettoes? Was there a hasher that had come straight from their tap dancing class and forgotten their trainers? Was Fred Astaire with us tonight about to grab the nearest Ginger Rogers look-a-like? No, just Paul in his anti-moose trainers. Maybe we should all wear them, especially Moose!

I was given a little heads up that on the short run, a few hashers (don’t worry Mick, Gerry, Sarah and Aud, I won’t tell anyone it was you) took an unauthorised short cut to avoid a muddy field. Well, that’s just not playing by the rules, although had I thought of it on the long I would’ve done the same!

Now, on the long though, I’m not entirely sure I understand what happened towards the end. I think Glenn, Helen and Aaron got so ahead of everyone else, finding themselves all alone in the woods without a hint of anyone following them, they assumed the rest of us had all got lost. Mayday messages and phone calls were made to try to find the lost hashers without any luck, so they turned back and found us happily jogging along the correct route and gathering at a check. All very confusing, which isn’t difficult towards the end of a hash when all we can think about is a pint and some chips!

Safely all back at the pub, we were treated to chips (which on our table we had with a mix of ketchup, mayonnaise and salad cream) and chicken or fish batons kindly served to us by the lovely Sarah, who also showed us where our nearest exit was in case of an emergency.

Apparently, while we were all running, chatting, eating and drinking, Ian, Livvy and Lawrence were having some sort of a threesome on a sofa somewhere. I didn’t know this was an alternative activity on a Tuesday night? We’ll all be putting our car keys in a bowl next!!

Great run and lovely food… .thanks Graham! Not sure the shiggy has taken the medal away from us, perhaps that’s for others to decide though.

Oh, and if anyone wants to live near the stench of Odds Farm, there is a delightful two bedroom detached park home available with no upper chain. £210,000 is all you’ll need… well, that and to have been born before 1969! Damn!