What didn't happen on last night's hash:
• Roger didn't speak.
• Moose didn't moose.
• Helles Belles didn't shout "Gerra a move on!", at any object - animate, inanimate or otherwise.
What did happen:
• Sooper gave an eloquent stand-in GM's speech, touching upon Climate Change, the Quantum Mechanics behind Quarks, and the correlation between Coronavirus and global socio-political disruption. Oh, and he also thanked Ant & Sarah for a splendidly shiggy run and suitably salty chips. Standing ovation I believe?
• Gerry moosed spectacularly - more of a 'Full Elk' tbh.
• After a Long/Short split around the 2-mile mark, the Longs trotted along obediently of their own accord (both under and over water) whilst the Shorts sashayed along Penfold Lane back to the pub (no sightings of Dangermouse unfortunately).
• Hash names - plenty of suggestions to keep the conversation ticking over; so far Nicola and Lawrence seem to have been allocated suitably embarrassing hash names (not of their own suggestion) which, subject to Roger's 'Oar of Approval', will be formally bestowed upon them at some point in the future.
• As to the rest of the wannabe hash, we'll need suggestions/stories/anecdotes for the following: Grimsdales (Audra & Paul), Chris & Gary (Tim's mates), Rachel & Billy (a naked 'flash' from an upstairs window on Moose's Xmas Eve hash springs to mind...!) Juno & Tor (Rachel's offspring), Amy and her father Nick/Rick (can't read my own writing), plus Luke (Conehead's son) and Liam (honorary Kiwi). Come on now...chop, chop!
• "If you're in a muddy field full of horses, and it looks like p*ss and smells like p*ss...it probably is horse p*ss!" I'm sure that cheered Gerry up no end, having just body surfed roughly a furlong through the steaming mire (at least he got a table all to himself back at the pub, complete with his own bowl of chips AND sausages...dark cloud, silver linings and all that malarky!)
• Plenty of jokes about the Hash Ski Trip "self-ice-olating" over in the Alps and wondering whether they'll be allowed back in the country (have you ever travelled back through customs with Roger in tow?!)
Many thanks to Ant & Sarah for, what turned out to be, a very enjoyable slog through to Great Missenden and back, managing to avoid the very worst of the Penn Wood Swamp along the way...although you might not necessarily have noticed, being ankle deep in a combination of water, mud, and animal droppings along the way. On the bright side, if you manage not to catch anything from that lot, the Coronavirus is unlikely to be able to touch you!