Hashes

1597

Date : 07/09/21
Hare : Sooper
Scribe : General Menace
Hounds : 53     Dogs : 5
Recorded distance : 8.98 km
Recorded time : 95.05 min
Uphillness : 27.76 ft
Extra pre-hash info

The long route is 9km but there's two chances to short cut which will give you routes of 4.6 km and 7.2 km (so 2.9 mi & 4.5 mi). They're marked on the map.

The carp ark at the Donkey is small so they've asked if we can try and park on the street - down towards the Station and down Lock Road are your best bet.

.  Download the map

It’s official.

The Trash is back.

Trashier, brighter and brashier than ever.

You won’t read faker news in any other rag.

To encourage future participation by the hare plus 1 week, I am offering a Gerryboam of the elixir of life (see recipe below) to the best Hash Trash scribe. I will also offer 2 Gerryboams to the worst trash scribe. What’s not to like? Connoisseurs describe it as “tasting like hot air filtered through an asses milk bath”.

So, back to Tuesday, and the Marlow Donkey.

The multitude gathered outside at the witching hour was so multitudinous that we occupied both sides of the road. Or, was it fear of the hare? Kitty is pretty fierce when push comes to shove. And that was ignoring the early birds (who were less early getting back to the pub).

Tally ho. We were off. No we weren’t. Look for a spare torch. Yes we were.

We wiggled through the trading estate to the Marlow Bypass. This was a good sign, as there are not many hills betwixt Marlow and Little Marlow.
We crossed the A404 by our footbridge, which bothered no hashers but was less comfortable to some of our 4 legged friends.

On the other side we bade farewell to the short shorts (who numbered zero), while hardier sorts shuffled south of the first of many gravel pits.

The sewage works doesn’t rate a mention, before hitting the Queens Head in Little Marlow. It looked inviting, and busy, but it was not for us.

Onward towards Well End after bidding farewell to the medium longs (who numbered ?).

Sooper had hoped to trip over the Star Wars film set here, but it had been teleported away. Rumour is that another will take its place, but that depends on whether the Death Star (Amazon) pays any taxes.

More gravel pits filled with water. Could be worse. They might have been dry. Could have been worse if the trail had gone through them.

At the earliest opportunity we crossed the railway line, narrowly missing a coming together with the Marlow Donkey (not really. Just getting into the film mind set).
Here, the trail got scenic. That is, the sort of unbelievable coincidence one sees only in films.

A sailing ship tacked by, labouring up stream. And who was the Cap’n? You’re right. Cap’n Gibbon, pissed as a penguin, shouting encouragement and oaths in equal measure. Happenchance?

This was too much for Hawkeye. He threw himself to the ground to avoid being seen. Unfortunately, the ground was not very forgiving, so his moose caused more damage that is desirable.

He managed to run back to the pub, and quaff some beer there, but later, he checked himself into A&E for an MOT. Sad to say, the plaster they gave him was of the “of Paris” variety. Get well soon Hawkeye. We miss your eagle eyes.

We passed a cow slip way on our left, which allows bovine bathing in the river. This was too much for some hashers who felt a desperate urge to try and reach Cap’n Gibbons vessel moored just off shore.

Nits swimming

You won’t be surprised to hear that Mr Eager was first in. On land he is like a fish out of water. In the water, he is like a stone. However, it was enough to encourage others in, with no thought of the aftermath (wet pants/pub/water stains). Fortunately, the river flows under the by-pass, and misses the Rugby pitches, so it was fairly straight forward to find our way back to the pub.

Thanks to our hares for taking pity on us and considering the heat of the day.

A t-shirt for Graham Q for a 100 runs. Still a year ahead of his sizzling wife. And a Tosca, for Billy Goatcrusher for exhibiting female disdain (this is a lesser crime than being a misogynist). However, the award ceremony had to be delayed when he ran out of the pub, to find a vet, who had mislaid a dog lead (by the river), which was in the pub all along. Being a vet is a dog’s life, n’est ce pas?

Some watery jokes.

Q: What kind of stroke can you use on toast?
A: BUTTER-fly!

Q: Why did the teacher jump into the water?
A: She wanted to test the water!

Q: What word looks the same backwards and upside down?
A: Swims

Q: How do swimmers clean themselves?
A: They wash up on shore!

And one for Budgie.

Q: What's the hardest thing about wearing a speedo?
A: Telling your parents that you're gay!