Chip Advisor

1218

Date : 10/12/13
Hare : Mr Eager
Scribe : Sarah
Hounds : 30     Dogs : 0
Recorded distance : 9.99 km
Recorded time : 101.00 min
Uphillness : 465.20 ft

The hounds are rounded up in the car park of the Dashwood Arms to "listen" to our hare. Moustache Mark begins his announcements revealing that his marvellous moustache is just for Movember, but as the date suggests it also appears to be clinging on for Mecember too. We are warned there will be moustache backs along the route. Hashers can avoid the moustache back by contributing to the Movember fund, a very cunning plan.

Mark starts his spiel with a long of 5.fuflferval and short of 4.tvssfavel. With such accurate distances for a change the longs are chomping at the bit to check it out. The shorts however are still keen to clarify what came after the decimal point. When pressed further Moustache Mark estimates the short is 4.2365 recurring. This was met by a cry of "4.2ooo!" from Judy. Mike silent for a change and clearly in a state of shock and disbelief. I don't think it was the '0.2365' they were really concerned about.

The longs couldn't be restrained any longer and chit chat, yapping from dogs ceased and the normal rabble that goes with a hash night we were off. Our very caring hare warns us of the busy main road. On-on through the farm and beginning our up. Whenever the hash is set by 'Moustache Mark' you know you are going to get an entertaining, informative and educational run. We learnt about the Chiltern Society and the woods. Rolls Royce and a Roman Burial site. Not to mention Dads army and the people who lost their lives around the Stokenchurch area.

Along the route we came across a hash mark that had not been described. Helen had long worked it out and begun her on back while Simon proclaims it is a Church without a steeple to avoid having to run the female on back? Sarah's standard teacher response was that any person questioning it should do it. Roger searching for answers vocalises "We've got no hair" (speak for yourself). All this discussion provided the sufficient delay the procrastinators required for the back with Mark to reach us to explain.

Moustache Mark becomes topic of conversation once again. Hells Bells believe he looks like a porn star. A number of hashers agree. I personally think he looks like he should be staring in Hot Fuzz.

At the long short split Steve and his four legged friend Radley (50/50 chance it could have been Millie) a regular short cutting duo made the biggest mistake a short cutter can make and they didn't pay attention. The mistake only dawned on them once it was too late, they had completely missed the long short split and were following the longs! This put them in peril that they might not make it too the chips before Mike.

Fortunately, Moustache Mark had a medium cut for those with verrucas which Steve & Radley and a selection of others jumped at the opportunity (On their good foot of course). Leaving the most hardened FRBs to plough on up the remaining hills and rein in the miles. With Dick & Helen questioning how many more "Just another mile"s there would be this time.

The pace didn't stop Moustache Mark's literal running commentary. Sharing fascinating nuggets, such as "This spot has a beautiful view, when it's light", which we all turned to appreciate in the pitch black. Later "Here I saw the best shooting star ever", something about a wood containing edible door mice (At least that is what I thought Mousetash Mark said, being Mark I didn't question it), etc.

For the longs the hills just kept on coming , it was all most perpetually uphill with recurrent on backs! Alan even had to slow down to keep Defer company. Aaron however was flying along at a sterling PB pace, Roger suggested he was on a promise. Roger later suggesting a promise of beer. I don't think any man runs that fast on the promise of beer alone?

Just in the nick of time Matt & Roz caught the end of the longs on the last half mile stretch to the pub. Looking slightly worse for wear Roz had blistered her ankle but ploughed on to the finish.

We all reached the pub properly run out, with Helen hitting 8 miles and Aaron 7. Thanks Moustache Mark for an excellent run. From a good pub, with a good turnout and most importantly great chips!

P.S. I wonder if 'Moustache Mark' is now fearing the wrath of the all mighty broken oar. Although, the oar is probably preferable to knelling on the carpet sample of destiny and saying "I not worthy" to the discussion of performing unmentionable acts on our illustrious leader, poor Penelope Pitstop.