Chip Advisor

The Saracen's Head


Chip advice dated: 14 July 2015 - Hash #no 1302

Up down pub ranking

Well, it all depended upon whom you asked. The grumpy old men (i.e. Statler & Waldorf, from the balcony in The Muppets….guess who?) pronounced the Betty Stokes as both ‘a bit vinegary’ and ‘too citrusy’ (so I managed to wheedle a ‘5’ out of them for that), whilst the Brentwood Brewery 4% was deemed ‘acceptable’ (hence a ‘7’), and nobody tried the Old Speckled Hen. Price-wise, everything came in at £4 which was a touch on the high side, but a ‘5’ overall seemed too harsh….hence the ‘6’
Not beer:
Coming in at £1, this was a pleasant surprise after the £4 pints, so for once the STD differential worked in favour of the non-alcoholics. Being one myself this evening, I can confirm that the STD was cold and fizzy, BUT not very ‘limey’ and the barman was rather heavy-handed on the ice i.e. ‘no ice’ gave you a 1/3rd of a pint-full, whereas ‘ice’ resulted in a 1/2 a pint-full. However, late-breaking news, a pint of coke came in at a rather steep £3.50, which knocks a point off and swings the ‘beer-ometer’ back to the alcoholics!
Well, they came thick and fast, with bowls being served to the Longs as they came through the door, rather than the usual scraps left over from whatever the Shorts couldn’t finish off. So plus marks for that, and they were good - crunchy, and very very hot (says he having downed the first one without checking). Whinges from Statler & Waldorf included a lack of salt and of condiments in general, but since these were already on the table I think they were just letting off steam. Oh, and there was also wedding cake courtesy of 2 of hashers, but that was nothing to do with the pub.
Ah, an English summer with a nice courtyard beer garden, what could be nicer? Only the drizzle that had accompanied our hash, turned into what was described by one hasher (rather kindly) as a ‘light downpour’, which rendered this out of bounds, as a bunch of us hung round in an alleyway near the outside toilets in the hope of respite….much to the confusion of the regulars using the facilities. Inside, the pub was oldy-worldy with low beams and nooks, but that meant the hash was spread out and the regulars had to cope with us in their midst. No parking outside either, but the public car park about 200m away was free, so all in all, not bad for a town-centre pub.


Hummery: Pricey beer and a lack of parking aside, a very hospitable town-centre pub, with beams, nooks, crannies, and a rather damp courtyard garden.


Overheard on the hash (14th July 2015)

“Hash Cluedo…or Hluedo?” “Professor Green…with the flour dibber….in the car park?” [The nascent game of Hash Cluedo begins to take shape - watch this space!]

“I could hate Helen…..I might hate Helen….I shall hate Helen…I should have hated Helen….” [Gerry & Matt discuss the ‘’Declentions of Helen’ as she calls for yet another invisible ‘On Back’]

”Zach, that was a ‘4 back’ - your Mummy said you had to do it”, “Well I didn’t see it”, “Zach, this is your evil stepmother - go back and do it now!” [Zach receives a glimpse of the future]

“Maybe you could get some night-time contact lenses….ones that look like cat’s eyes and help you see in the dark?” “Doctor Dan could probably do that” “Yup, I’d give it a go - haven’t got a clue what I’m doing, but I’ll give it a go!” [Nikki looks to preserve whatever eyesight she has remaining]

“I was charged the same for a half as for a pint!”  “Aren’t you an FD though Helen?”,  “Yes, but I always get other people to do that sort of stuff for me.”  [Helen’s grasp of £’s proves questionable]

”Should we be cutting across this cricket pitch?”, “Well, at least there’s no ‘On Backs’ here”, “Ahh, but there could be a Silly Mid-On Back?!” [Barney & Matt assuage their guilt at short-cutting]


No. Date Hare Details
130214/07/15Rocky Road & Dave