Chip Advisor

The Old Swan Uppers


Chip advice dated: 14 March 2017 - Hash #no 1393

Up down pub ranking

5 ducklings stood atop the bar; Moorhouse’s White Witch, Butcombe, Rev James, Pride, and Courage….all fluffy at around 4%, with only the Rev James displaying any swan-like qualities at 4.5%. As always, not ‘cheep’ in this part of the world!
Not beer:
Still awaiting more feedback on per the beers, not 'cheep' but more limited selection!
Rather parsimonious…but then we were in swan upping territory, so these should technically be called ‘triple-cooked tubers’ or something along those lines. No swan & chips on the menu either, but still, the little fellas were very appreciated by all & sundry.
Serving tapas, and nestling somewhere between Cookham Village and Cookham Rise (although lacking the double-barrelled sobriquet ‘Cookham Village-Rise’!), this was never going to be a cheap place, to the extent that hashers with muddy vehicles were requested to park about half a km down the road in a National Trust Car Park…or maybe that’s just because parking is limited and I’m being over-sensitive?! Because inside was a lovely beamed bar, with very friendly service and snug seating areas, and a decent fire…all in all, a lovely little bolt-hole after upping all those swans!


Swan upping refers to the annual census of the swan population along the River Thames, so you’d thought this pub would have overlooked the river.  As it is, it’s a fair length waddle away from the water, but luckily for those seeking refreshment of a different persuasion, the bar is much closer and far better stocked! Still, at Cookham prices, best take a census of your bank account afterwards.


Overheard on the hash (15th Mar)




“Now the flour is laid on the right…it’s quite important that you remember that…”  Phil issues strict instructions at the start of the hash


“Why the hell did you go that way then?”  Phil demands answers, as the hashers come back up the narrow lane

 “Erm…because there was flour on the right?”  Hash response

“Didn’t you see the arrow on the left” 

“No…because we were following the flour on the right?” 

“Don’t you lot EVER listen?!” 


“If I was gender-neutral, you’d have to refer to me as ‘they’ or ‘them’, not ‘him’”  Roger explains his argument

“Couldn’t we just call you Rogee?”

“How is that gender neutral?”

“Well, if you’re called Roger you sound more like a ‘giver’, whereas ‘Rogee’ represents the reverse…so on balance you’d be gender neutral”  Matt explains his argument


Roger was in more than his customary ebullient mood, scaring people from the off with talk of gender-neutrality, reassignment, and the like; apparently, it is now de rigeur to use ‘they’ or ‘them’ rather than ‘he’ or ‘she’. 



“Mind out for all the frogs on the path!”  Random call from down the lane

“Should that be a Frogging Car Park then, rather than a Dogging one?” Non-random call from up ahead in the car park, where a solitary car was waiting, engine running.


“Oy Matt….there’s one of those Dogging fellas you were on abaht, waiting in that car over there…!”  Ade does his usual ‘bringing property prices down’ routine….plus ‘embarassing random strangers’




“Hello you! I wonder what would happen if I did kiss one?!” Nikki has been reading too many fairy stories….


““What size is Kerry?” “How should I know?” “Well, she is your wife…” “Well, she’s not overly endowed in the breast department, I know that much….”  Who knows what size t-shirt Kerry might be getting?!



No. Date Hare Details