For the latest runs
click here
For Q1 runs 2004 click here
For all runs in 2003 (in Word) click here
if you want to see more of our past runs then visit the Archive
page.
| Run
704
For any golf aficionados, Huntswood Golf Club is 5286 white yards, 5078 yellow yards and 4930 red yards long. Par is 68. For anyone who isn't so interested, it is green with little sandy bits. David, rather meanly I thought, wouldn't let Simon or me play in them. It was explained that, because Cliveden don't like people setting runs through the grounds, the hare had sneaked around dodging gardeners, wardens and the like and he had introduced a new symbol. GM in a circle meant that we had to run quietly and not check that section out. He said he used the letters GM to underlie the authority of the checks, but a it was pointed out, they also stood for Grumpy Militaryman. Any resemblance between the GM when he was in the military and now are, of course, purely co-incidental. (Zeig Heil Mine Furher!) From the Golf club we headed into Cliveden estate (Aside, the first house was built in 1666 as a hunting lodge, where the 2nd Duke of Buckingham could entertain his friends and his mistress ….. More about mistresses later). Early in the run we spotted arrows pointing both forwards and back. The Hare kindly explained that they were for people who, later on, would be running back. Now I know we are hashers, but even we could have worked that one out! On up to the Statue of Love - legend has it that if you throw a coin in, you are guaranteed to return - I understand that this was romantically true for our GM, (he returned with a fishing net to scoop the money out). Soon we were gently trotting along the Long Garden, past the statue that's meant to be of Marco Polo cunningly, (but confusingly), disguised as a Venetian Admiral, then on to the Italianate Blenheim Pavilion. Two brief viewpoint stops later and we were running / walking / falling down all 172 steps to the river. Lots of moaning and discussions about knees. At the bottom of the hill someone who will remain nameless (Steve Cooper) dashed out along a check, which went around a small tree and returned to its start point. So, being a Hasher who hadn't found flour, he kept on running and did it again. Then again. There is no saying how many tiny circles he would have run if Phil hadn't called the on on. A couple of minutes later we passed Spring Cottage. Returning to the subject of mistresses, back in the 60's Stephen Ward and Christine Keeler were “staying” in this very cottage when they triggered the infamous Profumo mistress scandal that rocked the government and forced a minister to resign. After the heady heights of scandal, it was straight back to the heady heights of the hill. Howard and Lenore were chastised for not returning at a back check, and made to run an extra loop to the end of the path and back. Lenore made up for not turning back before, by turning back really early this time! Then, out of nowhere, and from the wrong direction came Jeff, who must have arrived late and run half the hash backwards. The cognoscenti kept an eye on young Jeff for the rest of the run as, every so often, he stopped and started counting people - he knew where the back arrows were! All too soon it was a gentle run along the fairway to the golf club where Aud was awarded a scroll of honour for bravely, and with no thought of personal gain, taking the long route back to the pub - for the first time ever! Who said miracles don't happen!
Run
No 703 On into the pub, with a fake fire to warm us up after being drenched. But I suppose it was not, after all, a sunny occasion, since this was the official "Ian Is Leaving Hash". Gerry painstakingly did a word count on "Ian" in the write-ups and last week's issue of the Sun, and found his name 23,192 times, including questionable counting of "Sexagenarian", "Russian", and "Christ, Ian". (Ed’s note - the Russian is not particularly apt as I am not sure that Ian could ever be said to have “rushed” on the hash!) Ian was presented with a cake with a flattering photo on it, and a T-shirt. (Once again Gerry plays with numbers rounding up to the nearest multiple of 50 to make 150 runs.) Ian was also presented with the GMs “one and only ever” “Life-time achievement” award award, (ed’s note - Which henceforth will be awarded every month!) which David said can be awarded for outstanding behaviour, either good or bad. The drinks Ian bought us were salted by tears as we contemplated his departure. But to cheer us he promises to make a visit in August. On-on next week to watch David show us his golfing skills at the Huntwood Golf Club.
Venue
The Pack Horse Wendover
We started off running merrily in all directions but soon settled down along the Tring Road towards RAF Halton. Mutinious mutterings were heard as we passed a pub but didn’t stop. A right turn off the road past the old hospital and we were in the countryside heading towards Wendover Woods which were towering ominously in the distance. Stingers were abundant and trails occasionally vanished as we made our way across the old MOD property and along the side of the hill. Just as we were beginning to think that Roger might (for a change) be kind and not take us up the hill, we went up the hill. Half way up we took a sharp left – presumably so that we could run up Haddington Hill, as well as the main hill up to the fitness trail (more of which later). Arriving (exhausted) near the top we regrouped so that most of us could catch up. I am not sure exactly what happened next – either I found a whole series of on-ons in a row (and those of you who know my reputation for finding the trail will agree how unlikely that is) or I got lost and accidentally struck flour. I also ran through a barbeque and around a badminton match, but nobody seemed to mind very much. Some of us realised a long time ago that Roger’s favourite historical character must have been the Grand Old Duke of York – and yes, you are right, having gained the summit we ran down the other side, crossing more contour lines than you would want to shake a stick at. Rather than return to the top of the Hill Short-cutting Calloway decided to short cut – only to be brought back firmly into the fold by a stern Hare who told him he was actually heading off in the wrong direction. So back up to the top of the hill we went, catching up with Aud and Barney who had already cut out half of the run. At the top we
split into “Normal” run and “Super” run, with
the neat twist on the “super” run that, as people passed
the items of torture on the fitness trail, the first to get there
had to stop and try them out. Arriving at a set of uncomfortable-looking
logs David, Lesley and (I think) Pete? started doing sit-ups. Lesley,
who seemed to be possessed by some form of daemon, dashed of an incredibly
swift 60 sit-ups before announcing to the world that she could do
sit-ups in her sleep. Tactfully, nobody asked her why she actually
wanted to do sit-ups in her sleep. Tahir, unfortunately retired injured and walked back with me, both of us getting completely lost before eventually finding the pub, just as the pack hove into view from the opposite direction. An excellent
run, a sunny evening and a pub that sold good beer – Hash House
Heaven.
Run
No 699 Rob's real estate hash. Pulling into
the Three Horseshoe parking lot there was Master David with worried
look on his face. As it turns out he was very much afraid that it
would be just him and six females from around Thame who joined us
for the first time. Well, his worries were unfounded and the male
contingency pulled in over the next few minutes. But I also have to
say that there were worried comments about the absence of 'FRBs' (term
had to be interpreted for the newcomers) but when Ian strolled up
to the pack the faces generally brightened and sighs of relief were
heard all around. Thankfully, Ken
was all right except the annoyance of a jagged tooth and was able
to continue the run. There was a sense
of déjà vu in some areas that we run through in the
dark last time. I remember loosing Jeff and wondered if we have seen
him since! With all the markers, as instructed, on the right it was
easy to follow the trail except when they were on the left and we
got lost. Thanks to Rob for leading us out again we found our way
to the new Green residence - where we joined the rest and Mrs Green
for refreshments and birthday cake. After admiring Rob's garden and
the neighbour's garden, lots of cake and beer, Gill was ready to get
moving and so off we went straight back down the Phoenix trail. Well,
some of us not so straight, as we again had to make double distance
following all the Palmerisms, but the ON IN came and the pub was in
sight.
Run
No 698 Sam’s Live hash As we gathered in the car park of the Prince Albert it was a lovely summer’s evening. We were in a beautiful area with stunning woods, dappled shade, an impressive 27 turnout and the prospect of tranquil, sun-drenched evening ahead of us. Then the evening started to go downhill and, for that matter, uphill, very fast - and very often! It was our first live hash for a few years and Sam started 4 – 5 minutes before us, leaving us with the goal of catching him while he laid the trail. We didn’t. We didn’t even get near. We did, however, get lost. A left turn out of the pub and we checked out the first set of footpaths – which was a shame as there wasn’t a check there. Eventually we went straight on, and checked left up a long and hard hill. At the top we took a leaf out of “The Grand Old Duke of York’s” hat – by going straight back down again. (Thanks Sam!) We came to a clearing and immediately lost the trail. But that didn’t matter as we enjoyed the pantomime of David asking Roz why she was peeing in full view. She claimed she hadn’t peed since the last time, which sounded good at the time but, with hindsight, didn’t actually mean anything. Back down to the road and a fast trot towards Fingest before yet another left and a trip to the very top of exactly the same hill as before! (Thanks again Sam!) By now people were starting to flag, starting to sweat and starting to loose the will to live. At the top of the hill we turned right along a beautiful forest track – at least some of us did. Aud (who had a map) led a section of short-cutters and ended up at the front of the pack. For some strange reason, when we caught up, she and Barney were discovered lurking together in a hedge. A fast trot took us back towards Little Frieth and along the footpath to Cutlers Farm - although a few of us went wrong and took a long and “scenic” route. Near Shogmore House confusion reigned as we lost the trail again. Pete, in particular, ran madly off in all directions. Rob Green eventually called ON ON and the path took us towards Hatchet Wood (presumably so named because running up the hill on the far side feels like you have a hatchet stuck in your chest - so THANKS YET AGAIN SAM!). Even Pete and Howard seemed to slow down for a while. A few more wrong turns and wrong checks and we were on the road back to Freith. It must be recorded that one hasher, who will remain nameless (but for the sake of argument we will call Rob Green), having checked the wrong way failed to return when called! And so he subsequently shortcut a good section off the wood! Back across a field and we caught up with a large group of hashers who had been a long way behind us, but were now mysteriously in front ?! Once again the culprit turned out to be Aud. She explained that not only had she short cut, but she had also got confused by the map and thought the Prince Albert was the Yew Tree. So, naturally, she wasn’t where she thought she was. Not only that but she was using the map upsidedown without realising it! So it wouldn’t have helped anyway, even if she had been where she thought she was! The result was a shortcut of truly heroic proportions and a few honorary “Blond” hairs (hares?) for Audrey! As most of us now knew where we were, we felt safe – only to find the trail take off in the wrong direction towards Moorend Wood. Again we couldn’t find the flour. I checked a vast loop in the wrong direction. Indeed Nick and I actually got to within a few hundred yards of the pub before looping back to the last known certain position. By the time we got back not only had the real trail been found, but everyone had run through it and only Roger (who was back-marking) was in still sight. Soon however, the end of our misery was in sight (ie the pub) and, despite having gone up loads of hills, going wrong, run a full 5 mile hash, run extra loops and failed to find our way – we were still back by an impressive 9.00! Fast and furious it might have been – but it was also great fun!
Run
No 697 Mike Gilby’s Memorial Run
Hare Mick gave the run down on signage around the course SCS – Short Cutters Society, BS – (important one) Beer Stop. And today, because of the very special circumstances of the Hash it was to be Hong Kong rules. Gill was to run us out and Gill would be running us back. Hare Mick pointed the way to the first check and Gill accompanied by Flossy led the way, where the kind hare had put an on back from which Gill was exempt! To set the record straight, after the miserable show the week before, continually checking in the wrong direction, Gerry set off down the most unlikely route, only to shout “On On “ and we were off down the hill into a small valley. We proceeded up the other side and into a beautiful wood. It was still daylight and we could see the Bluebells, the land was seriously undulating so that when we arrived at a significant path junction, it was a relief to stop and check it out. It was a beautiful wood and Gill admitted that this would have been the route Mike would have taken us out. We climbed on through the wood and out along the side of a field, which also climbed up! Back into the woods and down hill until we reached a field. A fabulous long run down hill, across the field and finally over a style into the small Walters Ash road at Upper North Dean. We turned left along the Speen Road and ran a short way to a path, which took us up hill (for a change!) and into the ancient and beautiful Piggotts Wood. A fair amount of mud was to be found along the pathways in Piggotts Wood we ran On On until we met up with the HWH3 SCS. On On through to the far side which started to go down hill and brought us to a horse field…. DEEP JOY! Alas nothing to fear, Nick the horseman was close by to calm the horses whilst Tracey and I ran through. On On past the modest cottages on Piggotts Lane, across the lane and back into the woods. A further SCS divided the pack, which was now heading for our first checkpoint and regroup of the evening. Here a welcome BS was marked and we ran through the fields down the hill across a doggy style with doggy steps and to a most welcome Beer Stop –with best of all ICE CREAM…and Flakes…. HOOOORAH!! GM Bench breaker David gave a tribute to Mike and praised Gill for her strength and superb speech. We all agreed that Mike would have loved the run and been proud of the turn out. The evening was a memorable one; even the weather had been kind. So now it was ON IN led by Gill in true Hong Kong Style. Thanks for a great run Mick. Once back at the Harrow and beers flowing HWH3 presented Gill with a Silver Birch to be planted in memory of Mike, Rob did the presentation and Gill thanked everyone saying what a tree-mendous idea this was.
Run
No 696 As we gathered in the rain outside the pub waiting for the hare (who was late) our thoughts couldn’t help but turn back to Mike. So, when Beverley eventually did turn up carrying a bucked full of yellow tulips (a flower/colour of friendship) we were grateful and were proud to wear them around the hash in his honour. As she said, she knew Mike loved flowers and she had been talking to him about bluebells just the week before. Now, Beverley was going to fax me a map showing me where we went, but as it didn’t arrive I might have to make some of this up. OK, I know that’s not unusual for a Hash write-up. We set off straight opposite the pub, running down Church Road (at least the rest of the hash did, I went down School Road and had to run back – a returning feature that kept I kept returning to all of the way around the hash as I got just about every check wrong). Then we hung a quick left, over Hazelmere Road and we were off across a very slippery path heading towards Pugh’s Wood. It was the start of a hash with more bluebells in it than you could shake a stick at. The bluebells were a major feature of the run – infact they delayed it considerably as people kept stopping to walk and admire them. (Either that or they were just plain worn out?) After wiggling through the wood for a while we crossed over Penn Bottom Road and wiggled some more through an even bigger wood with even more bluebells. After much hashing (with me checking in the wrong direction) we ran (or walked) up the hill towards Penn House, where the trail took us through a filmset. I don’t know what the eventual name of the film will be but I think it is probably another light historical piece with Colin Firth and Emma Thompson. Just before we got to Penn House I heard several Hashers say “I don’t remember that old house being there - and they were right. Though you could never have known it, the entire House and mature walled garden was a dummy put there by the film company. And, it was a BIG house they put up – one with lots of architecture! Very impressive. Then it was on-on through yet more bluebells before turning left past the Hit or Miss, across the common and into Penn Wood. The next section of the wood is somewhat of a mystery to me as one set of trees looks very like another when you are in a wood and it’s getting dark. However, you will be please to know I continued to get all of the checks wrong. Indeed at one point one hasher who will remain nameless (Lenore), said “OK, if Gerry’s checking that way it must be along the other path”. Embarrassingly they were right. Even more embarrassing, I found out later that if I had carried on, rather than run all of the way back, I would have arrived at the next check if I had carried on as both paths went to the same place! Eventually we ended up at a road (and yes I checked the wrong way there as well), and ran into Common Wood. After briefly loosing the path we somehow ended up in the right place anyway. Then it was back along Penn Bottom Road to Potter’s Cross and a half left turn into the wooded part of Penn Common. At that point the rain started to fall in serious bucketloads and it was every Hasher for himself as we all made our own, individual, way back the last few hundred yards to the pub. Afterwards, in the Old Queens Head, drenched, wet and bedraggled, but still wearing our yellow tulips a Toast was raised to “Mike Gilby” and, in the true hashing spirit, Ale was quaffed. We knew that the very best memorial we could ever have for Mike was to keep the Hash going. So David (Benchbreaker) Griffiths was unanimously (after a little arm twisting to be sure) voted in as our new GM.
Run
No 694
It was nice to see the walkers back with three brave souls setting off into the sunset – or at least where the sunset would have been if the sun set in the south. The briefing told us that there was “Something” different about the run this evening and we would have to watch out at the environment to spot it – but once we spotted it, it would be obvious. Then the hare demonstrated the flour for the evening – which was pink. Many of the runners thought that the pink flour was a clue. But it wasn’t. Instead the pink flour was a red herring. Hmm, something fishy about that. The On-On was called towards the crossroads and then 45 degrees left along a muddy little pathway in the general direction of Freith. At some point on the run Gill told everyone that because of her bad back Mike had to put her knickers and socks on for her. However she never told us exactly why Mike put her knickers on, or indeed if he enjoyed wearing them. Still she seemed to think it was important that we should know about it. A mile or so out saw Ade doing his hop impression when he managed to twist his ankle slightly while running along the first broad, smooth, flat and clear part of the path that we came to. However, it must be said that I didn’t do a great deal better getting 11 out of the first 12 checks wrong – and when I eventually got it right finding the run’s first back arrow so I ended up being last again anyway! If you were foolish enough to read the Chiltern management plan you would learn that “By the nature of the underlying geology, wetland habitats such as the acid and neutral flushes found in parts of Moor End Common”. I can confirm this because the Hares’ dastardly back arrow meant I had to run through the muddiest part of it three times! Q How do you
confuse an idiot? After Moor End we did a couple of what we technical hashers call “Wiggely bits” (which turned out to make the shape of a B on the map – but more on that later) before stopping by Sam’s house for reasons I never quite fathomed. Anyway, a right took us over Ditchfield Common which is known for it’s ex-abundance of Japanese Knotweed (Local info brought to you courtesy of Google). The Hares pointed everyone onwards but furtively disappeared to the right saying they had “Something to do”. We headed into the heart of Lane End then Left to the big car park where we were regaled with cakes and Champagne for Barney’s Birthday Booze (Note three more Bs). Then, once we were all feeling the warm glow of bubbles seeping into our veins we were ready for a gentle trot back to the pub. But the Hare’s parting shot, while they drove back to the pub, was to say that they had added in an extra loop and we had to backtrack all over Handleton Common. It was a wicked final mile and a third that we had to run on a diet of alcohol, tiredness and bubbles! Back in the pub and a presentation for Aud’s 200th run (And no Gill, your comment that you thought 200 was Aud’s age was NOT right!). The prize for working out the answer to the “Riddle” was “B” Went to Ian Many thanks for the joint hares PS And no, the
phrase “Joint hares” is not a comment on the insidious
weed that still grows on Ditchfield common!
Date
13th April 2004 ROBERT'S LOOPY RUN Marks out of
10 brought to you by Marked as one
of the oddest runs of the year with affection and much confusion.
Upon arrival, unlike our usual shuffle for space, the car park was
so huge it induced driver acrophobia and I had to stop for a full
minute deciding how to attempt orderly parking.
Run
No 690 The petrichor hung heavy in the air by the time we got to Bennets End - must have been all that bleeding rain. Still Jill promised that it wasn't going to rain for the rest of the evening; I doubt there was any left. Not a bad turn out considering that there was double attractions of the big match and er, not running around knee deep in mud. The GM was missing with a 'nasty cold', but a nasty cold what wasn't made clear (virus perhaps?). Off we set, downhill out of the carpark.. I think that was probably the only downhill part on the whole harsh (sic). In the spirit of Easter (crucifixion and all that) the hare sent us straight up the North face of the Bennet End Eiger as it's probably known. I suspect that this is where Bennet may actually have met his End. Anyway, up a ridiculous hill to what is rather euphemistically called the 'The City'. Up and down the City Road, well down it at least, then a right down Green End Road. Another right down towards the farm (Remember kids, two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do), through the farm and down into the woods. Here we hit the first long / short split - in some kind of strange peer pressure feedback loop practically everyone decided to go on the long run... Except the hare... I suppose looking back this should have raised some suspicions but perhaps we just chalked it up to Barney being slack. Down through the woods looking out for a path marked by 'some houses'. Luckily - well actually, as usual - Sam runs this way to work so he knew where we were headed. We emerged out onto Old Dashwood Hill (hey, maybe GM is just allergic to Old Dashwood Hill - he missed the last one here). A right turn up to the main road followed by another swift right back down to the woods - a mere 10m from where we'd parted company from the hare. Up on past some kind of bonsai forest, across a lake and on to Radnage Common Road, then a left into the most treacherous part of the course - the speed bumps along Green Lane. It's not just the fact that they cause your teeth to fall out, but there's the added distraction of having Simon shout 'Hump' at the top of his voice every 30 seconds - it's unnerving I tell you. At the end of Green Lane we were greeted by a very excited David (I suspect he made have been at the chocolate already) and the hare together with an Easter Bunny Barney surprise of Easter eggs and beer. Hurrah. Perfect running fuel though Cream Eggs and beer is, I did notice that the pace dropped a bit after this stop as we wound our way back down into Bennet End, I don't think anyone was sick though - and it didn't even rain. |
On
Back
On-on
to the archives