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Scribe Q3 2007
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No: 877
We went along Star Lane and then up hill towards Lot Farm. We soon came across a turn back arrow which I know at least one person conveniently missed! We arrived at check and I set off across one field only to find nothing and to miss the calls of 'On On' in the other direction. I finally caught up with the pack half way across a very well known field for HWH3 – you may have guessed, yes it was the field where Twist viciously attacked Dolly the sheep! We continued through a small wood with many cries of 'roots' and 'heads' could be heard. At Warren RowRoad we took a right turn and along to a field gate. It was here that Graeme casually mentioned the field of bulls again. I noticed that there was a slight reluctance to get in the field and start checking!! We crossed the field without any problems and without seeing any bulls I must add. We arrived at a re-group only to discover that Ade was missing. We called and called but there was no sign. Simon offered to go and look for him providing we marked the trail well! We continued on through a farm yard which Jo had checked out and decided to come back from. We all decided it was a bit eerie! We then went through what appeared to be someone's garden and arrived at the edge of Ashley Hill Forest and next to the A4. The paths through the forest were of differing terrain and included many roots, trees and a ditch which Matthew decided to fall into! The trail continued on, there was a long short split where Ade and Simon finally caught us up and then the long trail went off in the direction of the Agricultural College and on past the Dewdrop Inn. At some point there was a conversation on the subject of eating 'ferns' and 'mushrooms'. I am not sure which kind of mushrooms! Ade was also entertaining the pack with some Irish jokes which kept everyone's spirits up! I even think Noddy may have been mentioned yet again (Ed's note – Brownie points for finding a new way to sneak him in!) The trail led on to Warren Row and then took a direct route back down to Knowl Hill to rejoin Star Lane and arrive at the pub. It was Tosca night and the GM read out the nominations. He managed to get the wrong Roz but finally awarded the Tosca to Graeme for his spectacular attempt at avoiding the latter half of a hash! In the pub one of the locals proceeded to tell us about the big house at the top of Ashley Hill. Apparently a few years ago the owners built an enormous enclosure within their grounds to house Alligators! The council refused permission so they put 'Pumas' in the area instead! This also did not go down well with the council and they were told to dispose of them. The local informed us that they just 'released' the Pumas into the wood and they have been happily living and breeding for a good few years! Watch out if you are ever in the Ashley Hill Forest again! Thank you Graeme for a very enjoyable hash.
Run
No: 876 Although easy to find and not too distant for most, the arrival of hashers at the famously haunted George & Dragon was somewhat less than punctual - and at the appointed hour it looked like there would be fewer than a dozen of us and that was including two virgins – Richard & Jen. This is how I came to be a substitute* scribe because everyone believed that Nick wasn’t coming and Dick had a twisted ankle, (in his sock) or something, therefore I was the only person who could possibly fulfil the task – no, it doesn’t make sense to me either. Anyway lots more people suddenly arrived and we were introduced by the hare to an all-new hashing route option of ‘flat’ or ‘hilly’ before setting off. A few yards into the village and Nick & Jasmine appeared with dogs at the aforementioned flat/hilly split under the village clock. We regrouped at the Bradenham Road and crossed over; then off again through the playing field before the more traditional short/long split. I took the so-called short which I must say was rather a long short at 4.25 miles! So that’s the write-up you’ll get. From here we took a lovely long shallow climb up a narrow path in the woods all the way up to Downley Common and then headed West on the level until we reached the top of Cookshall Lane. We rounded the farmhouses and were serenaded by a pack of dogs from one of the outbuildings before going across a field to witness an autumnal crescent moon shrouded by amber clouds and were informed by the hare that the view had been spectacular in daylight (thanks for that!). Considering that this was now the short route, there were ever so many checks and on-backs and I must confess that we did ignore some (most) of them, (Ed's aside - SHAME ON YOU!), as we all knew the general direction to go and it felt a bit silly doing 8 back when there were only 7 or 8 of us there anyway. That said it was a very well-set track as we continued along the ridge towards Naphill. As we progressed through some piney sort of plantation there was a note-worthy event (sorry Jo). This was clearly a place where pheasants were being bred as our ramblings were punctuated by frequent flutterings and squawkings as the fowls’ nocturnal roustings were disturbed. Of course, the inevitable happened and Jo was the lucky recipient of a gift from above. “A new line for Tresemme!”, bantered Mick Jones but Jo was not impressed. This did however lead to a very interesting conversation which I feel obligated to quote here:- “Something that has always baffled me about pheasants is why they have those long tail feathers”, exclaimed Jo once she had recovered her poise. “Oh that will be to attract a suitable mate”, I explained. “So, if you know so much about animals, why do seals have flippers instead of feet?”, Jo asked. “Well that will be to make them more agile in the water”, I responded. “OK then”, continued Jo, “Why do elephants have Big Ears?”. “Come on now Jo, everyone knows that one, it’s because Noddy didn’t pay the ransom” – bah-doom-chi ! (Ed's aside, excellent and sneaky way to bring Noddy into it!) Descending from Naphill on a South-westerly slant we crossed the train tracks and into a fragrant shorn cornfield before crossing the Bradenham Road again, then up one final ascent back to West Wycombe Hill and on-in down into the village. It transpires that Graeme had sustained a nasty brow injury during an unfortunate Moose with the longies and after some debate about stretchers and air-ambulances he was eventually accompanied back to the pub by the gallant Gerry and Mark (Ed’s aside. Who were jolly grateful for the excuse to shot-cut the run). Thank you Dick for a shiggy-free hash and wishing you a speedy recovery (he really has knackered his ankle). * Prize
question: We all know that The Who had a hit with Substitute in 1966
but who was famous for their version of an obscure Righteous Brothers
song of the same name in November 1977 – ask my brother (Whipping
Boy) for the prize if you know as I’m not going to be there
on 25th.
Run
No: 875
Tonight saw the return of some familiar faces, not seen for a while and one virgin hasher, John, who Mick was assigned to mentor. Nick explained the rules and the hash set off, very slowly, concentrating more on talking than running. Much of the conversations centred around holidays, Helen, Lesley and the GM’s, as they had just returned from theirs. This did remind me of the little known Noddy story ‘Noddy Goes Large in Ibiza’ (Ed's aside, smart way to bring Noddy into it!) in which Noddy, after two weeks of debauchery, exhausted and penniless, has to sleep on the beach. When Noddy eventually wakes up just in time for his flight back to Toy Town, he has terrible sunburn. Back in Toy Town Noddy heads straight for the doctors. “Hello doctor” says Noddy, “Hello Noddy” says the doctor to Noddy. “What can I do for you today Noddy”. “Well” says Noddy, “I’ve come about this terrible sunburn”. “I can see” says the doctor to Noddy. “I’m going to prescribe Viagra for you”. “Viagra” exclaims Noddy. “Will that cure my sunburn?” “No” says the doctor to Noddy, “but it will keep the sheets off your legs”. The hash was now meandering its way across Marlow Common, in the general direction of Lords Wood. To be fair, it may have been just me that was meandering, as I seem to be permanently knackered from marathon training. Why, oh why did I let Ade talk me into this stupid idea, if humans were supposed to run that far, we would have four legs. From Lords Wood, there was a steady climb up to Lower Woodend, before the inevitable drop down into the next valley. Unfortunately, with the hash still deep in conversation, half the pack had almost made it to the valley floor, when Roger, still at the top pointed out that a check had been missed and of course, gone the wrong way, the actual route was left through Home field Wood. Still down hill but this time with a lashing from some particularly savage stinging nettles. (On studying the map the next day, if we had stayed on the original wrong course, we would have actually arrived at virtually the same place. So those of you that were still burning from nettle rash, the next day, blame Roger.) The route now swung round through Heath Wood and back towards Bovingdon Green and another climb up out of the valley. At the top in Pullingshill Wood, the front runners came across a car parked in the middle of nowhere, initial thoughts were of beer and a cake stop, but as we got closer, it became obvious, the activity in the back of the car, had nothing to do with opening beer bottles. From here the longs looped round Davenport Wood, the shorts, cut through it, before re-grouping back at the Royal Oak. Once gathered in the pub the GM, suffering from speech withdrawal syndrome, tried to get everyone back out side, but with the choice of that or a warm bar, good beer and delicious chips, laid on by Nick. It was a bit of a no brainer really, Dick had the right idea and bolted the patio doors. Thanks Nick for a super hash and the chips.
Run
No: 874 As we gathered in St Leonard's, which as you may be aware is somewhere in Polynesia or possibly the former Soviet Union, at least that's how far away it seemed, Matthew explained that he had set 37 different runs, as follows: A long long long
medium short long Well, I'm sure you get the picture. Anyway, since there were about 12 of us, we all did whichever of those was the longest (you tell me) - apart from Mike & Judy, who did a shorter route, and hence arrived back at the pub at the same time as us (eh?) Ed’s aside: Matthew had come up with the very neat idea, ably implemented by Audrey, of a prize for the person who guessed the distance Sam would run on the night as measured by his ever-present GPS. I don’t know who won, but I understand that the distance was 13 357 555.2 millimetres (And, no that is not made up, it is correct!) Anyway, it was
a glorious night for hashing, probably one of the best of the year.
We ran past Dundridge Manor, said to be haunted by the ghost of Margaret
Pole, Countess of Salisbury (more: Astute readers will have noticed the last 4 letters of that wood's name- NortHILL. And a proper nasty hill it was too, Matthew making it worse with a) back arrows and b) sending us straight back up it once we'd got to the bottom. Anyway, from there it was a fairly steady trek south again through Pavis Wood, across the newly harvested fields, through Buckland Wood (you can tell he gave me a map, can't you? On the night itself I had no idea where I was!) and eventually back to the delights of the boozer. Nice work Matthew, (Ed’s note and huge thanks to Jo for the super scrummy yummies) that were in vast abundance at the end of the runand next week's Hash Trash will feature a 28-page supplement containing the full list of runs that were available to us...
Run
No: 873 A Cross Country Ramble across three fields Gerry called the hash to order, most obeyed but some continued to talk. This was not a problem for tonight was a nice pleasant hash without any real sense of urgency. Simon our Hare told us the bad news that Twist had chased another hare (who’s name was not revealed) while the hash was being set. This resulted in the route not being completed. This was bad for those that like lots of flour, bad for Twist and his terminator injury but good for the Vet, who we shall call Noddy, who was some £250 richer! On-On left was called and off we went at a very relaxed and gentle pace. Conversations were numerous, but volume was low and the tendency to walk was high. It was, after all a relaxed run. There didn’t seem to be any sense of urgency with tonight proceedings, so much so that in the subsequent post mortem of the run, it was referred to as a cross-country ramble. I believe this is a fair description but fails to state the fact that I believe we spent the whole night simply running around the same three fields! The stated lack of flour, the reduced time available to set the run and the lack of variety of terrains, can anyone remember never hashing near trees before, well on this run, no trees were seen. How can you run for 7 miles without seeing a tree – the answer must be either global warming (the new found cause of all problems) or that we simply kept running around the same three fields!!!!! The first field was entered via a metal gate into a field of cows. This was definitely Tracey’s favourite field. Our second field was a recently cut field of wheat, with the low stubble rubbing against our ankles. The third and final field consisted of slightly uneven grass, which was accessed via a narrow gap in the hedges and over a style surrounded by brambles and things that scratch in the night. Simon had very cleverly set the route around the fields in cunning combinations of figures of eight and on backs. On a couple of occasions Simon’s sham was about to be revealed by the front-runners, this forced Simon to call some very urgent on backs!!! Despite some peoples growing suspicions Simon managed to take his secret with him to the pub. This is despite the fact that we all passed the same electricity pylon 5 times. As pylons go from A to B in the most direct route, how comes we kept re-visiting the same pylon? Again, this confirms there can only be one answer. Sly Si admit your sham and feel relieved of your guilt! We returned to the pub just after the short cutters arrived and just before the walkers. Yes it was a late one for us all. The short cutters had had great fun making their way back to the pub without the existence of any flour or even footpaths. Tonight was Tosca night and the absence of the GM meant it was not going to be that loud and that we would not be upsetting any landlords or locals. Gerry read out the various crimes against the Hash. Matthew was guilty of not having to use his arms to balance his food when dining at the Palmer Arms. Ade was guilty for getting Noddy mentioned in a write up done by someone else (sounds like a new weekly challenge to me!). The other dozen crimes seem to all have been committed by Jo and included such hanging offences as running an on back unnecessary during the hour of daylight! The award however
was finally given to Maggie and Roz for being total tarts! I suppose
it is a bit like getting employee of the month at McDonalds for it
proves one can be a winner and a loser at the same time! A bit like
Simons’ run!
Run
No: 872
This was just mean - most of us would have preferred the usual state of blissful ignorance. He also added a warning about the extra servings of gloop that he had laid on for us. We set off on the long footpath towards Dashwood Hill, picking our way carefully between the huge puddles and around the worst of the mud. As it was me that had checked out the trail, I had the honour of being neatly caught by the very first backcheck, so had to run back through the mud and then back through it again for a third time. We took the second left (up the hill) towards Dell’s Wood and the overcast nature of the evening revealed itself, as those of us who had torches had to use them. After a couple of back arrows in the wood we turned left again (and note, still uphill) towards Dell farm. The last mile was all gently upwards but sadly, the slope wasn’t quite steep enough to give us an excuse to walk, but was steep enough to totally trash all but a few of the frontrunners. We continued gently upwards on what my old maths teacher would have called an “inclined plane”, but to me just made it plain obvious which way the hare was inclined! In the middle of Leagrove’s Wood the check was called right, so off we all went – which was a pity as it was the first of the false trails, the exhaustion having wiped our memories clear of the hare’s warning. Returning to the trail we scampered down the long hill to the check at the bottom where we said farewell to the shortcutters. Fifty feet on we cleared the wood and our vista opened up with the view of the dirty great hill up to Cadmore End Common. What’s was worse was that the path up was rutted, muddy, slippery steep and uphill. “Great” I thought as I struggled upwards, at least it means that the hash can only get better. I was wrong. It started to rain. At the top the check was called left, in the direction of the pub. Again this was a shame as some 400 yards out we discovered it was another false trail and we had to turn back again. A few muddy fields later we ran through the houses and down the road towards the recording studio used by Oasis. Lulled by the good surface we speeded up – and got caught by another backcheck. Running back I saw a bright light back past the hare – so continued towards what I, quite naturally, thought was the last hasher, but which turned out to be a house with a light on it in the far distance! Now I maintain it was an easy mistake and feel that Jo’s jibe about me becoming “Gerry-attic” was somewhat uncharitable! Still I reminded her that the following week was Tosca night and revenge is sweet! We regrouped under a tree from the gently howling wind and fine driving rain and realised that the easy way back to the pub was down a gentle and smooth road. So naturally we didn’t go that way. At the next check I went right (and incidentally wrong). At around 120 yards out I turned to see that the pack had disappeared from sight both over the brow of the hill and having been consumed by the weather which was closing in rapidly. Looking up at the windswept empty hillside reminded me of all of the tales I had heard about getting lost on bleak moors The feeling reinforced when I got to the top of the hill and the pack was still nowhere to be seen. But eventually I caught up with the hash and heard the welcome shout of on-inn. This was slightly strange as we were still over a quarter of a mile from the pub. But it turned out to be right and we returned along the same trail we had set out on so long before. Unlike before when we had picked-our way carefully, this time we ploughed straight through with the theory as we couldn’t get much wetter or muddier anyway! Another
great hash (as long as you ignore the hills, the mud, the weather
and the hills!) Thanks Mark!
Run
No: 871
“The rules”, intoned Phil, are simple, “There is all the usual stuff about checks and backchecks, as well as a whole bunch of new stuff - so, is that all clear them?” Upon being assured it wasn’t, he went on to explain that if you had a Christian name, and it had a letter in it, and if you could match that letter to a letter you would see on the ground, you would have to run to the back of the pack. So we set off through the woods and around the common, sticking loosely to routes we had travelled before, but with just enough changes in them to confuse the bejaysus out of those of us who thought we knew where we were going. As predicted, we headed generally in the direction of Hollymore Wood and Dropmore, before turning towards Littleworth Corner and then left into the first field. Here Anne broke her moosing duck with a spectacular full flying full frontal moose. However, she lost style points by ignoring the deep muddy puddles we had seen earlier and contented herself with a merely ordinarily muddy field. Still, a very creditable first attempt. Soon
we saw the GM returning to the back of the pack and assumed that the
letter on the ground must have been one of the ones in “DAVID”.
We were somewhat surprised when we found it was an L? He later explained
that he thought it was a 7. Hmm, someone may have to take him aside
and explain the concept of letters and numbers. Soon we reached the
edge of the Beeches and the shortcutters departed to meet their own
destinies. The next back check was enlivened by Helen pushing Jo forcibly both in the rear and to the rear - while she wailed loudly that her name wasn’t Joanne but Jo - so she didn’t have to return. But she ended up at the back anyway. We spotted that the GM was hanging back – he explained that he was waiting for the Long Short split (which observant readers will recall was a thing of the far past). Ahh well, that’s hashing for you. Then, in a very unlikely turn of events I had a run of luck and got 9 checks right in a row – towards the end I started thinking that it was getting silly, so tried to go the wrong way on purpose – only to find I was still right. “I know”, I thought, ”I can’t get it right again if I don’t check”, so I waited at the next circle and chatted to Hare Phil. The check was called and off the pack went, leaving Phil and me still chatting. I was about to follow when he said “Don’t bother, it’s the other way”. So I ended up getting that right too! Incidentally I got the next one right before my lucky streak ended in a very long check in completely the wrong direction. In one way I am glad I did as, while I was trying to catch up, I saw Sam take a wonderful half moose - ending up kneeling in a very deep rut full of pleasantly mud-curdled ooze. Like Anne earlier, he gained high technical merit points but missed out on style by not taking the opportunity of stretching full out into the goo. Some while later we ended up back in the pub where Phil, Janet and their daughter Sarah had arranged a “Colours” quiz for us, together with the aid of someone called “The Mother-in-Law”. One
answer to the question of “What colour was Alistair Sim associated
with?” was hotly contested. The GM insisted the answer was Lavender,
as Sim was in “The Lavender Hill Mob”. After the usual
badinage Janet awarded him a ½ point, which enabled his team
to win. Janet, however, said that the correct answer, à Subsequent research from Simon revealed the dire truth. The GM must lose Multiple Brownie Points as Alistair Sim wasn’t in the Lavender Hill Mob! Janet must lose Multiple Brownie Points for awarding him a half point for giving the wrong answer! And,
worst off all, the “Mother-in-Law” must lose even more
Brownie Points as it turns out that he wasn’t in the “Man
in the White Suit either!” (that was Alec Guinness). The correct
answers would have been Blue for “Blue Murder at St. Trinian's”
(1957) or better still Green for either “Green for Danger”
(1946) or “The Green Man” (1956).
Run
No: 870 This week's run report is only available as a download - click here (762k)
Run
No: 869 The Kids Hash The sun was shining brightly, the day was warm, the birds were chirping merrily in the treetops and all was right with the world. But we went hashing anyway. Eventually the Hash was called sternly to order by the GM, and, as usual, it was ignored. After the standard confusion, various hashers were given packages to carry and we set off, not at the customary trot but at a sedate walk (I never found out why, unless, perhaps, David was worn out?). After about ¼ mile down the duel carriageway Helen asked “Can we run?”. The answer of “I don’t know, you used to be able to”, though technically correct, was not over-helpful. So, passing David, a few hashers set off, though with no idea what was happening, why they were carrying packages, or where they were going. A message of “wait at the playground” filtered down and on we went. The playground was found and, as requested, we duly waited for the people who had walked. Scenes of confusion continued, with nobody quite sure what was going on until we were told “Don’t worry Audrey will take charge.” The confusions continued but, as instructed, nobody worried any more about it. Eventually the GM shouted, “Come-on kids, you have to lead”. Unfortunately he was ignored, confusion reigned on, people milled and nothing happened. So he tried yelling it out again. Emboldened by the success of doing nothing the first time, the same tactic was applied and, yet again people milled around and nothing much happened. The fourth time he made the cry a few of us, hoping to escape from the din, set off, and were soon overtaken by the kids with their breakneck energy. And at last the hash began. A regroup was soon spotted and the kids and hashers parted. So, the question on everyone’s lips is “Why have elephants got big ears?” The answer (“cos Noddy won’t pay the ransom”) is surprisingly relevant. Ade was meant to be producing this scribe, but obviously couldn’t as he didn’t come on the hash - but went off on his bike instead. And Ade usually brings Noddy into his write-up somehow. “Toot-Toot” said GM Noddy. “Hmm” said PC Plod (who had been on a Toot the night before and was feeling somewhat the worse for wear). “Does anybody know where they are going?” asked Big Ears. “No this is a hash” said Noddy’s friend Miss Tessie Bear. But all this chatter put a “Blight-on” the hash - “Did e-nid to say that” said an onlooker (Ed’s aside: Groan, that is officially the worst pair of puns in the entire history of the Trash). But I digress. We ran up and down and around Black Park for a while with nobody quite sure where we were, (according to one of the co-hares this included them when they were setting it!). Lots of back checks, with Jo, (once again), refusing to take her shoes and socks off, and so miscounting and going back when she didn’t need to. Chris mentioned that he felt he was lucky getting away without a mention in last week’s write up as he had, for the second time in a couple of weeks, taken a spectacular moosing dive. This time I understand it was from on top of a stile. (Ed’s aside: Mentioning the fact that you were lucky that you hadn’t been mentioned just has to be worth a Tosca nomination!). Wife Helen chipped in with an affectionate “I heard the crash of him belly flopping – it made a lot of noise, but I didn’t worry as I was checking at the time”. And then we found a lake, ran around it and stumbled upon the rest of the hashers feasting on cakes and goodies and supping ale. So, naturally we joined in – well it would have been rude not to!” Many Thanks to the Blonde and her GM in crime for another excellent kids – and groan-ups - hash.
Run
No 868 As usual we all listened attentively as Ade again explained rules that we all know by heart and ignore anyway. So off we went, short cutters down to the river and the rest through the streets of Bourne End. We reached the river by the marina, turned downstream to cross over to the other side where we rejoined the short cutters. From here we went down river, with the water was up over the path in places. At one place the short cutters were seen staring at the water covering the path wondering if they had enough faith to walk on the water; if they should take the plunge and swim through it; or if they should be carried by some strong hardy hasher. Sorry, I believe in equal rights, so if I have to go through it, so can everybody else!! The hare then us took down the river to Cookham where there was some confusion. The hare was nowhere in sight until we crossed the bridge into Ferry Lane. Do you ever wonder why anyone would consider buying a house between the river and Ferry Lane? It must have got that name from, well, the ferry running through it!! Anyway, I started to wonder which hill Ade would take us up - and here it came, right to the top of Harvest Hill, a full 74 metres to a maximum elevation of 100 metres. The short cutters must have been worried about the thin air at that altitude as they took the easy low route. Actually, it looked like the pack up the hill was dwindling more and more as evermore hashers were drawn to the temptation of short cutting. What a shame, they missed out on the wonderful view down the valleys and the sunset. Thanks Ade for giving credit for the beautiful view to the Creator. Down we went into Wooburn and up again to Ronald Wood where we were greeted with yet another stunning view. There were actually only two hills but some of us did them multiple times. Oh well, it is all good marathon training!! Back at the station we went down to the river to see the path to the Bounty under water and so opted for the Firefly instead. But poor Ade had to go and rescue Jilly, who was already at the Bounty. I'm still wondering what became of her and the walkers, as we didn't see them again that evening. (Ed's note, latest report is that they were fine and that swimming back to the car park was excellent excercise.)
Run:
867
But I get ahead of myself (a feat I didn’t duplicate again on the hash as, in my flu-ridden state I remained well behind for most of the actual run). Also getting ahead of my story, I have to say that at the end of the run Sam gave me a marked-up copy of a Google Earth image with the route marked on it. Sadly, being a photograph it doesn’t show the footpaths, or label anything, so I still have no idea where we went – I do, however, know what colour the countryside we ran through was. The run started by running along a grey bit followed by turning left along another grey bit, followed by light green (field?), pale yellow (dry grass field?) and on into a deep green bit which just might have been a wood. We then went back over a yellow bit and spent the rest of the time in another huge green bit with that looked like it had lots of trees in it. So, having now described the route (I hope you found it helpful) I will try to remember some of the things that people said, or did, to make the usual idiots of themselves. The first contributor was Chris, who decided to throw himself headlong onto the ground (he claims he kicked a stick that had been hidden by the GM, though I don’t think his claim helps his case greatly). He landed on what he described as “a squishy bit”, which, by the ring of mud on his tummy could possibly be interpreted as a beer gut. Technically he performed a full flying moose with extra stretch and extra mud and was awarded 8.5 by the team of technical judges. It would have been 9 but he was marked down for his cry of “Oh Mammary Glands” (OK he actually used a shorter version) which was felt to be over loud considering his soft landing. Not deterred, he eventually trotted on until he found Helen who, all sympathetic to his plight cried, “I just washed that T shirt you moron.” The first of many long-short splits came and went, as did the flour, trail and my sense of direction. Meeting up with the shorties again we entered the huge Coppice Wood where we enjoyed a long gentle downhill, before realising that it meant there would be a long uphill bit later. Somewhere in Pimlock Wood we turned north back towards the pub. Sadly, the flour that escaped earlier was occasionally spotted – usually in the form of a six back. At the second of them Jo, who was the seventh at the 6 back check, went back anyway as she had either mis-counted or as one hasher asked “Perhaps she need to take her socks off to count that high?”. Still the uncomplaining spirit she had at returning down-hill was generally applauded. As was Helen’s when she did exactly the same thing a short while later. This time the comment was “If you aren’t smart enough to count you must be dumb enough to go back”. Ed’s aside, also on the “much to be praised stakes” was Lenore who not only did a back check totally without complaining, but actually ran back rather than the usual slow amble. Numerous long short splits later the first of the longish runners returned to the pub, only to find that the shorties were nowhere to be seen. 5, 10 and 15 minutes later still no shorties? Eventually, at around 25 to 10 they arrived tired and weary having taken the “scenic route”, which we here included West Wycombe! The reason was soon explained as “Some poor fool let Kerry map read” – so perhaps some congratulations are due for them getting back at all. Afterwards, it was nice to see the welcome return of Potter Kittle now riding, if not running after his injury. As usual the GM went into speech mode, and prizes were awarded to the Hash First team who, (once again), won a cup at last Sunday’s Wycombe half!
Run:
866
Run:
863 It was a hash, and it was good. (This is all I would need to say if I wanted to beat Tracey’s shortest report, but I want to make my first report a good one) Well here we go…... It started off at ‘The Five Horseshoes’. It was a little bit of a chilly evening, but the sun was out, and the views were amazing! Now we all know Mark is always late, but he made it to the hash ON TIME!!! And said just to make sure he was there on time for the next hash, he was going to drive straight there and camp there all week. We all waited around, and finally our Hare turned up, and we got started. We all headed off through the trees from the car park, and onto ‘Russell’s Water Common’, which we ran around the perimeter of. We were running off in the direction of Pishillbury wood, and I was at the front, that’s not a good combination, and in the end I caused a real c**c up and lead us in the wrong direction, heading up the Oxfordshire way *whoops*, I then got a real telling off from Helen! But we were shown the right trail by Roger and we were off yet again, with me not leading the pack this time. We carried on running for a little while down the Oxfordshire way and then had the long short spilt at ‘Lodge Farm’. The shorts went off and disappeared. The longs and I carried on running along a very, very, very long straight trail though Freedom Wood and into The Warburg Reserve, it seemed never ending. Ed’s Aside: At around this point Jo blew her chances of becoming Feminist of the year by admitting that she ACTUALLY MISSED A HASH two weeks before as she had a date!!!. She then claimed that she didn’t missed the next hash for the same reason – claiming that she had, instead, gone around to her boyfriend’s house? Hmmm not too sure about that one? We finally reached ‘Pages Farm’ and did a sharp left. We ran along for a short stretch before doing a sharp right. Straight up a hill. *damn* Dragging ourselves up the hill was hard and when we neared the top we all heard ‘OPEN YOUR LEGS!’ and I heard the comment from someone who will remain nameless (Ed’s aside: Matthew) ‘I thought this hill couldn’t get any worse’ which made me laugh. We finally saw David, who claimed he had run the entire hash, invisible, over taken us and then ran back down the hill to see us!!! Mmmmm, I don’t quite believe him to be honest. When we finally got to the top of the hill Roger had a cool surprise instore for us. He had hidden Ice Creams in the bushes. We all ate our ice creams and were very happy. We then ran back to the pub and enjoyed the rest. Well I hope that was good enough for my first runs report. Ryan
Run:
862 The route left Hurley going away from the river, and went uphill through a large field. By then the sun was coming out again. Though it was very wet underfoot, the weather was lovely. At the top of the hill was a missed opportunity for a regroup at a beautiful viewpoint, but the fast runners were already on ahead --having ignored a clearly marked 6 checkback, in fact the only checkback mark seen on the whole run. We passed through scenic countryside, both woods and fields, and a few virulent nettles (Eds Aside: my legs were actually painful until Thursday evening and weren’t pain free until Sunday!) (Private aside for Aud, Squeak, Squeak ;-). We passed fields with stampeding cows, which were fortunately on the other side of the fence from us, and we saw lovely horses as well. What did they think of the ferocious storm and lightening they had just had to endure out on the hillsides? The trail started to head back towards the river. We made it to the Thames path, which was muddy, as expected. Since checkbacks were not marked in the trail, one hasher politely requested (by screaming) that perhaps the front runners would please wait or run back once in a while. So the front runners introduced a series of checkbacks for the rest of the run). Along the Thames Path there were more animals to be seen. Ducks, geese, swans, and one huge mega-swan that was on land near one of the houses. There were goats and a llama. But no pausing to admire wildlife allowed on the hash. Dexter and Toby went for a couple of dips in the river, hoping to catch a duck or goose, I think. But they forgot their beachtowels, so had to shake off near the hash, and roll in the wet, muddy grass to dry off. We reached Hurley, and took a quick river crossing over and back on the bridges, then a little way on a small road to a Pimms stop. The hares, walkers and short cutters were already there. We were offered Pimms, water, juice, donuts (Lenore, with spelling like this you would fail your citizenship test as well - really! how long have you live here?). Thank you, hares. Then On-Inn to the pub, where for once the hash decided not to sit outside. Gerry was awarded a pewter mug for doing lots of runs, and Mike C. a T-shirt for his 50th.
Run
no 861
Once
upon a time in the deep forests of Bucks, there lived a family of
hashers daddy hasher, mummy hasher, lots of big baby hashers and their
6 barking dogs. “Not that way!” cried Goldilocks, who was trying to divert the hash to a gingerbread house where she knew the hungry fox was waiting to delay the tired hashers at the back.
“The
beer’s a bit thin!” cried one disgruntled hasher as they
all munched and crunched and slurped. The warm beer must be cold by
now thought mummy hasher. She cried out ”FOX!” to hurry
the hashers on their way or ways as it turned out. Some sneaked off
on a short cut down the road whilst the rest sped up the road towards
Dell’s Wood. Once
along the long and humpy road they saw a mysterious sign which read
‘On Inn’ . The pace increased as the light faded and darkness
fell. They arrived home only to find the walkers and short cutters
relaxing with pints in their hands. Run
No 860
As this was probably 15 mins into the hash and I hadn’t been paying any attention until that point, I’ll summarise the start of the hash as: • Dexter providing his usual early hash entertainment by ‘doing his business’ in a suitably prominent position, right in front of Jo, causing her to retch uncontrollably for the next half a mile. • Roger trying to persuade Dick & I that we really should run all the way back to the walkers on the first on-back (does he really think we’re that stupid!) (Ed's aside: - Yes) – though I think he did manage to catch Ryan and Richard with his cunning ploy, but let’s face it, they have too much energy anyway. • Dick enlightening me that when you’re ‘off the booze’ all it actually means is that you can’t drink beer – wine (aka grape juice), cider (obviously apple juice) and all spirits are absolutely fine and fair game. Sounds reasonable to me! • And that we were running ominously towards the very big hill by the M40. Now I had said that I’d often driven down the M40, looked at that hill and thought I really must go and walk up there one day. Apparently Chris had also thought the same. So it looked like we were going to get the opportunity to tick something off the list of life’s To Do’s. Although I would like to point out that I thought it looked nice to WALK up there with the dogs, not run up with a bunch of mad hashers. Something the lorry drivers obviously agreed with as they kept hooting at the herd of nutters on the hill. (Or were they hooting at Lesley and David, who had somehow managed to shortcut onto a path up the hill and were waving down to the re-group, both of them perfectly silhouetted against the sunset?) And we arrived at the long short split at the base of the hill Dexter and Twist put on an impressive display of rabbit hunting. Dexter showing the shot gun approach where you start chasing something that moves but get distracted half way there by a decoy running in the opposition direction and generally end up running around in circles (or maybe he was just trying to get rid of the red kite that was cycling ominously above him) – think he has even more energy than Richard! Twist, however, went for the more direct approach of see rabbit, chase rabbit, only just missing it as it jumped into the safety of the brambles. Good try though Twist. So back to the actual run, now I have to ask, as I’ve always thought Barney was a pretty experienced hasher, but did anyone actually tell him that you’re supposed to use flour to mark the trail? As for the next mile or so there was a severe lack of the white stuff. So half the hash went off to the left, hot footing it up the steps, having made sight of flour in the distance. Yet the hare was adamant that the trail was actually up the other path – despite the fact that there was absolutely no sign of flour, and I know as I checked it out! So off went the other half up the right hand path with the hare. Thankfully as we got to the top Sam appeared through the undergrowth in front of us and the two halves of the hash re-joined, just in time for the first of the evening’s view stops. Here Ade and Jo firstly explained that if I stood on the bench I’d get an appreciation of how those slightly less vertically challenged view the world, thanks guys. But I have to admit the view and the sunset were pretty special – well worth the climb, up the hill that is, not onto the bench ;o). At this point Ade and Chris began an extensive guide of all the local landmarks, including (but not limited too!) Didcot power station and something I think they referred to as ‘The Clumps’ – the majority of the hash had obviously heard this before as they had set off and were making their way along the top of the hill. This next path was designed for mountain goats, with a very steep drop off to the left. Which raised the question, would any of us go and rescue any poor hasher that slipped down the hill? In true hashing style there was a resounding silence but thankfully it didn’t get put to the test – I don’t think any of us would have volunteered to go up that hill again! So on we continued – except for Chris, Ade and Anthony who were on their second view and local history stop (including some debate about whether Chinnor gravel pit was going to close down and what the effect would be on house prices in the area – who’d have though you’d get property investment tips on the hash!). Still no sign of any flour though but we were getting used to that by now. The next point I remember (I was obviously too busy chatting to notice where we went!) is the end of the woods were Lenore, Ade and I had a good old reminisce about where Mark lost his keys on that lovely hash from Kingston Blount (Mark you will never live that down). Then we set off down the hill we had run up on that eventful night – and may I say it was much more pleasant running down than up, (Ed's aside: Having been caught by a vicious back check at the very bottom of the hill, I agree - MUCH better going down) and the barking dogs seemed far less sinister in the daylight than the wolves that I’m sure come out at dusk! Anthony then continued the local history guide – explaining that a lighthouse had been built on the end of a pub in the middle of the Oxfordshire countryside as a filmmaker thought the building made the perfect film set (now I would have thought you need sea to have a lighthouse but what do I know). Sure enough as we came down the hill there it was – not, however, as picturesque as I was expecting! And then came what I’m sure was the highlight of the hash for many of us. A field marked ‘beware of the bull’ with several of the four legged beasts on the look out for unsuspecting hashers. Now it appears that the shorts somehow got split up before this point and Aud and Tracey had to take their life into their own hands and make a dash for it on their own. The bullocks thought this was a great sport and took up the chase – causing Aud and Tracey to make an undignified exit via the stinging nettles. The next victim was Janet – who apparently showed her sprint prowess to out run the evil beasts (Ed's aside - I did see it and think she achieved a - very impressive - personal best time for the next 200 yards!). I however managed to avoid the perils as Anthony and Chris very kindly escorted me through the field as I was still mentally scarred after being chased by a herd of bullocks when out walking the dogs the previous weekend – thank you! Lastly we went back under the motorway – causing the now statutory whooping through the tunnel (though all we could hear was Jo laughing!), and then to the cries of joy at sighting the On Inn and back to the pub. Where we undid the entire calorie burning benefit of that hill with some very yummy chocolate cake for Ryan’s birthday (thank you very much for providing Mick) which we washed down with chips and ketchup (thank you Barney) – who says hashing isn’t good for your health! |
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