Hash 1026

When Mick asked me to hare on the 20th July about a month ago, it never occurred to me that I would be doing the write-up for the Palmer's Arms event. So it is with considerable stress, that I will be attempting to recollect what was a very enjoyable evening. It appears that this realisation did not go unnoticed as I heard Dick say at some point "Next year I am going to set the hash the week before!".

And so the punks arrived to be greeted with an offer of lollipops from Gerry and green hairspray courtesy of Ade. After the usual chat about the route we were informed that there would be a kind of “pass the parcel” type game and various other frivolities. Off we went across the road, in a south-westerly direction towards the Booker recreation ground. We were told that if we saw a P, then we were to hold hands with someone and skip back. The last person back would then unwrap a layer of the parcel. At the 1st of these special onbacks, Mike won the prize which appeared to be 2 coconuts which he properly strapped on his chest. Now up to this point Mike was completely besotted with Jo’s mini-skirt and black hair do, salivating and making saucy comments just about every 5 minutes since we started. The presence of a pair of breasts seem to goad him on even more, until Ken told him that perhaps he was overegging the pudding by then.

Talking about lewd comments, someone mentioned that Roger's Union Jack head could act as a matching bum cheek with Gerry's T-shirt. The mind boggles!

After turning down into Barber's Wood, we got completely drenched, which led to a comment by Matt that there was no need to seed the clouds or use advanced science and technology to cure world drought - just get Gerry to set a fancy dress hash there.

At the bottom of the wood, yours truly was the only one that had not finished his lollipop owing to a slight problem with my tongue having to share my mouth with a safety pin. I can however confirm, and this may be of interest to the ladies amongst us, that if you want a lollipop to last longer then it is better to lick rather than suck.

As we ascended out of the woods alongside the M40 Ade was awarded with 2 plates of whipped cream. With his left hand he launched at the GM, who deftly in true boxer style avoided the punch which unfortunately caught Judy who was standing right behind him believing herself to be safe. Ade did make his mark with the 2nd plate catching Sooper square on. This event generated all sorts of conversations and I discovered that Helen doesn't really like cream and only has it on special occasions.

At this point, Roz had taken the P check literally, and did her usual squat exercises out of ear and eyeshot of course. The reason I know this is because Matt admitted to having to mop up the drips after they finally caught up.

After passing John Lewis, and and crossing Cressex Road, Gerry informed us that if we were to see a U, we all have to go under it no matter what it was. This turned out to be a wooden fence which everyone manoeuvred under with the exception of the GM who decided there was a much easier way and promptly climbed over. This earned him a forfeit later on, which was to sing God Save the Queen along with the Sex Pistols.  Let’s just be kind and say his advancing years were amply demonstrated by his performance.

Just after this point, Jo had won herself a licorice whip, which she tried to use on herself (luckily Mike had gone back with the shortcutters at this stage, otherwise I don't think he would have been able to contain himself). When Jo asked Helen to hold the licorice, Helen gave it a test right across Jo’s bum – and from the yell Jo let out it was more than apparent that it worked only too well - perhaps Helen is just better with whips! Indeed she boasted that she owned many different types of whips - thick ones, thin ones, long ones, each with a use of its own.

When we got back to the Booker recreation ground, I am not quite sure what lead to it - but at one point Matt became very kinky and squirted whipped cream all over Roger’s nipple - and then they tried to get either of the Roz’s to lick it off.  Sadly for Roger they were unsuccessful.

The longs carried on running clockwise around the field while the shorts went on in. After one lap, the longs were then directed anticlockwise around the same field back to where they started. Ken didn't join us in this lap, threw his hair (yes hair) back in a huff, decided it was silly, and trotted back on his own.

When we got back to the Palmer's Arms there was a fantastic spread of delicious food and assorted real ales which being my 1st time lived up to the comments I received from other hashers, when I actually thought the Palmer’s Arms was a real pub. Congratulations to Jo, Roz and Ken who won the best costume awards, and many thanks to Gerry and Rose for a fantastic evening and a great run.