Hash 1322

What a change in the weather from last week. It was a beautiful, almost full-moon-lit night. The stars were glinting. 'Starry, starry night' by Don Maclean came to mind. I saw him (Don, not Van Gogh) in Brighton, you know, back in the old days. But I digress. I always think I have little to say for the hash trash so start prattling on but let's see how it goes this time. 

We arrived at the Cock and Rabbit, The Lee, closely followed by Mick who had followed us all the way from our house. At a right turn in Missenden he wondered if we really knew where we were going but our 'chap' got us to HP16 9LZ in good time.

It was a good turnout as true Hashers turn out whatever the weather, as last week proved. Gerry our hare announced it was an anniversary. No not wedding, but 23 years to the day since he joined HWH3. It was in its infancy in 1992 when 7 was a good turnout. Mike Gilby was GM then and the guy who invented quorn was a member (Quorn is made from the soil mould Fusarium venenatum). Gerry was hoping for at least 23 as there was a cheeky on back on the long route. (I think we were 36) Long to be 5 miles and cheers from the shorties as he announced 2.98 miles for them. As scribe, I sacrificed myself to the longs in the hope of gathering information for the trash, provided I didn't expire before the end. 

As it turned out it was a great run. We set off down a road only to get a car joining the hash. A hashing car? It didn't pass us so I can only assume it couldn't keep up. The Hasher's certainly held their ground. Some hashers had succumbed to Matt's birthday doughnuts and found the running difficult. Andy observed that a bit of doughnut 'ballast' was a hindrance whilst someone else thought that the sugar rush should be a help!

After a mile came the long-short split, no I will not be tempted to go short even though Gerry whispered it's going to get a bit 'claggy' on the long. Good word 'claggy'. Defined as 'thick, sticky and gooey' by the Urban Dictionary or 'stickily clinging, as mud' by the Fee Dictionary. Oh so true on this night, so much so that the GM later commended the hare for reminding us what hashing is all about, heavy feet with 10 kilos of mud on each foot and up to our shins in it. 

There were plenty of checks which enabled Ken, who had missed the long-short split and myself to keep up and plenty of stiles. But that also meant we didn't get back to the pub before 9:30. That may also be due to the fact we ran through what our hare cheerfully described as 'the Somme'. "Somme mud you might say" quote Andy and definitely claggy.

A blood gurgling cry from Hawkeye in said 'Somme', signified at least a torn Achilles or dislocated knee with Mark ready to summon the air ambulance or dog rescue. I was told later someone (Matt?) had stepped on Graham's bad toe! He actually looked up to his knees in mud at the time. Others injuries: Kevin got poked in the eye or was it a bloody hand due to barbed wire, Zorro (who is rather tall) was clonked on the head by an overhanging branch as he leapt over a stile and Roger managed an involuntary header during a game of walking football. Summer ended the game by running off with the ball in order to protect her master from further onslaught.

We had a variety of terrain: road, field and woodland, wet, dry and shiggified. But then I suppose that's about what we get every week, although my abhorted plan for last week was to run solely in Penn Wood. 

The route took us to Lee Common, Grove Wood, Swan Bottom, Lordling Wood, Lee Gate. Other adventures on the hash involved crawling through a concrete tunnel, the flour trail definitely went that way, but a lot of cheaters climbed over or round it. Unfortunately our GM was out of the tunnel before I could get a photograph, having crawled through myself (duly noted by Mark who was very impressed by the scribe's dedication to duty). It's a dangerous sport this hashing but no mooses to report. Just a couple of gobbling turkeys, some cows (Jess handing over Summer to a 'fast' runner so she could concentrate on getting through them muttering " I really love cows") and the shorts reported a beautiful badger crossing their path.

Now did we all spot the M on the ground? Mark was busy commenting on a lovely black and white Tudor barn thinking it must be public toilets so I missed the Moat, sorry Gerry. Passing through an eerie churchyard full of sombre graves we found the On Inn. It took a while to make ourselves presentable enough to enter a very bright and jolly pub, leaving muddy clothes and shoes in car boots to be dealt with later or to remain there til next Tuesday?

In the pub the remaining doughnuts were devoured, thanks Roz for those,and we feasted on chips, sausages, spicey sauce and shortbread, thanks Gerry and Rose. Happy birthday to Matt and Phil. Gerry was duly presented with a thoughtful gift of a silk and steel mobile/ necklace marking his 23 years. You'd better start planning for 24 years Roger!

Thanks to Gerry for memorable hash and I think I found enough to write about after all. Oh did I forget to mention Midsummer Murders,.....................xx