Hash 1515

We set off in fair weather and that’s as far as our luck held out! In true thrifty hasher style, having sniffed out all the free parking spaces in the near vicinity, we diverged on the station car park from various directions. This frugal local knowledge had been divulged to us by members of the Hash who had come out of the closet and identified themselves as current or previous B’Enders. (not to be confused with bi-genders or big enders – see later)

We were introduced to three virgin Hashers. Firstly Rachel’s husband, Ben and her son Tor. Although they had been to the Hash take over of Park Run and attended the Hash summer picnic at Marlow this was their first official hash. Secondly, it was great to embarrass my buddy Gary, who had managed to keep far too low a profile on his first hash from Fisher’s brewery, so he was indoctrinated/induced/invested/introduced to the warm bosom of the hash this week.

Bourne End's original location differed from today's established village centre, a half a mile downstream on the River Thames. The name refers to the end of the river (bourne being an obsolete term for river), and derived from the mouth of the River Wye.

And this is where our trail led us initially, away from the River Thames and up the road towards Wooburn eventually crossing the River Wye. There we took a sharp right across some lovely farmland strewn with wildflowers with the evening sun on our backs for the on-backs. And what epic on-backs they were as by now the Hash was strewn out across the county. This gave the opportunity to cause maximum disruption to a very surreal photo shoot and for Truly Scrumptious to join the picture. I dread to think what other dimension her head ended in having disappeared under the 10 foot tall skeleton’s tunic but she came back relatively unscathed.

As the shorts forged on straight on, us longs cut left and circumnavigated a large field. There was some debate as to whether the country pile up on the hill above us was Ade’s “you can see my house from here” or if it was Clivedon. A bit of map research this evening tells me it was likely Hedsor House - Hedsor House is a Italianate-style mansion in the United Kingdom, located in Hedsor in Buckinghamshire. Perched overlooking the River Thames, a manor house at Hedsor can be dated back to 1166. Nowadays for (starting from!) a mere £33,545 + VAT you can have a luxury wedding for 100 guests including exclusive use of the house and grounds.

We then joined back up with the shorts for a delightful riparian run along Cock Marsh before diverging again. At this point our esteemed Hare, Moose, pointed out the true ‘bourne end’ where the River Wye empties out into the mighty Thames. The shorts made a bee line for the Bounty and the longs a gruelling climb up Winter Hill - worth every effort when we stood to take in the sunset view across the Thames valley at the top. Quick group photo, then On Inn to join the shorts and the World cup football supporters at the Bounty.

Cheers from the bar signalled that the Lionesses had drawn equal at 2-2 against the USA, it then became clear the goal had been disallowed on review by VAR and our girls sadly crashed out of the World Cup. Outside, GM made a rousing speech and then conversation descended into tales of fluffing, finishing and binary toilet facilities prompting a discussion of what the + in LGBTQ+ stands for. According to google it encompasses Transgender, Transsexual, Two-Spirit, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual, Ally, Pansexual, Agender, Gender Queer, Bigender, Gender Variant and Pangender

No room here to delve deeper into all the definitions above but a couple of terms stood out:

 - Bi-gender, not to be confused with BigEnder (the bearing surface between the larger end of a connecting rod and the crankpin of the crankshaft), is " a gender identity where the person moves between feminine and masculine gender identities and behaviours ".

 - B’Enders. The term Queer was originally used as a derogative term but, beginning in the late-1980s, queer scholars and activists began to reclaim the word. As with this term we are seeing that those raised on the mean streets of Bourne End, the B’ Enders, are taking great power in reclaiming a word that once was hurtful and making it their own!

Thank you very much to Moose for most enjoyable summer evening riverside Hash and for the very well received chips.

How do you kill a guy with a coconut allergy? You put a bounty on his head.

I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.

My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him 'Don't be Sicily'

A man goes to see a Scottish doctor and says "doctor, every time I go for a pee it smells like coconut". The doctor replies "oh aye! It's Bounty".

A chap jumped in the river in Paris. Local police say he’s in Seine.

A chap jumped in the river in Cairo. Local police say he’s in de Nile.

How do you get a pen across a river? Biro-ing.