The Fox and Pheasant

Hummery: "I am not a pheasant plucker, I’m a pheasant plucker’s son" - something to get your chops round there, almost as impressive as the chip butties provided at this pleasant pheasant (& fox) chain pub. Bit low on atmosphere, but with similarly low beer & softiesprices to match, who cares when you can make your own (atmosphere that is).

Overheard on the hash (27th January 2016)

What’s the Doctor Who outfit for Hawkeye? / It’s an Australia Day Hash, so I’m dressed appropriately…obviously / Well, you look more like Freddie Kruger to me /  Ah, but at least I look like an Australian Freddie Kruger!  Hawkeye fends off concern about his flasher mac combo get-up

Did you check out those speedos? Yup, look like they’re going to chafe a bit! Alex’s ‘Baywatch’ costume raises a few eyebrows

[15 minutes later, sloshing through streams & mud] I wish I’d bought my speedos now!

’Oh, he’s really gone downhill I’m afraid - he’s incontinent and now has to wear a nappy’  Helen chatting with Jo  ‘Poor Aaron, I didn’t know things were that bad?!’ Matt butts in ‘We were discussing my dog actually….but it could equally apply to Aaron come to think of it’

‘Well, something which flattens the stomach, but hides my chunky thighs…. [cue muffled laughter from behind] Oh, so what’s so funny then? What’s your best asset Mr Wright ,eh? Helen addresses the sound of muffled laughing behind ‘Take the -et out of that sentence, and you’re just about there’ Matt beats a hasty retreat back into the darkness

‘Summer bit me on the bum once? Jess idly addresses the Hash at a check  Why, did you have a biscuit up there or something? No, of course not !  which prompts a long discussion….Could be a new category at Crufts - the Bum Biscuit.…or would that make it ‘Crumbs’?! /  If you did have to hold a biscuit in your bum what would you choose? / Not Rich Tea (too flimsy), Hobnobs (nah, too crumbly)…and definitely NOT a Chocolate Digestive for obvious melting reasons? / Jess rejoins the discussion…I think I’d go for a Garibaldi / Oh no! Far too many sharp edges…..maybe a Bourbon assuming it would stick out further /  Custard Cream? Perhaps, but I definitely wouldn’t eat it afterwards like I normally do….licking the custard off / Alan enters the debate… I quite like Jammy Dodgers, especially when they’ve been left out in the sun.  / Would you put it up your bum though. No, probably not….there again…. [luckily the Hash moved off at this point]

“There are some lovely temples up in that part of Pakistan….but I’m not prepared to freeze my backside off, or have my head hacked off to go and look for them for that matter” Gerry wisely decides discretion is the better part of valour when it comes to archaeology in ISIS-controlled territories